Decapitated Dandelions

The Solitude

Life taught me to be silent
You cannot tell a person with a fiery soul to be quiet
It breaks us
I had noticed when I put a mirror up to my ribcage
It was hollow
And sinking in
My lungs hardly filled with air
They would rise
And stop briefly,
I was slowly suffocating myself
I felt the beat of my heart, curiously
It was distant
I was distant
I hadn't known I was living in a small glow of embers for so long
I had just realized
It was three years ago when I was truly able to convey emotion
When I sang every night and annoyed the neighbors
I practiced days on end
Wrote my heart out
I was quite.... the show off
Now I sing quietly in my room for fear of what I might let out
My parents tell me to keep myself guarded
My life is special
Dont let everyone know about it
Try not to let people in so easily
That conversation hurt. I sat in my room for a bit after the discussion and cried.
And slowly
Overtime
I had learned
How to be silent
Back then my spirit was bright and it was what I thought made me who I am
They tell me that speaking of it will create more drama
That word again
I now live in perpetual fear and self guilt because of who I used to be was not accepted by people in the past
They scowled and told me I was an attention whore
And that it was my fault
I created this mess
I stirred up the drama
So lately I have been living in my own solitude
I dont sing in the shower anymore
I don't write as often as I should
I don't draw my feelings
I get mad at them
I feel ashamed
I let them fester
Because the truth is dark
I'm afraid that the secrets within myself will get me in trouble
I am very perplexed
Only recently have I realized that my spark is about to go out
And if I dont share soon,
I'll lose sight of who I was:
A story teller
A singer
A poet
An activist
And a friend
I have a voice
And I need to let it resonate
I'm lighting a Match
I'm gonna fucking take that chance