Happening

Five

"Do you think she stares at my pictures every night and then goes off to sleep? Or like, can she sleep without seeing me in her minds eye?"

She stood right before me . Her hair held up in a ponytail and eyelids with streaks of balck eyeliner. That wasn't Selene . Selene has a lighter skin tone with bigger eyes and brighter irises her short hair curled in smooth and small curves on her forehead. Her cheekbones were higher like a child's and lips pinkish.

I had been to able sleep almost every night after the breakup. After all I wanted to do was sleep. But sleep drifts away as soon as I want to lay in it . Like a poltergeist snatching the bedsheet away.

Now this is mordern love story, so you guessed it. I've been blocked on all social media platforms for reasons that i caused. First of all , I was mad. Mad at her for not acknowledging me anymore and simply tossing me away like the shell of an egg. Secondly ,I was in the high of a song . The chorus humming through me body as my legs flew up and down in fast movements of the swing at the playground.

"Tell all of your friends that I'm crazy and drive you mad
That I'm such a stalker, a watcher, a psychopath
Then tell them you hate me and dated me just for laughs
So, why do you call me and tell me you want me back?
You maniac"

So I turned on my Instagram made two new fake accounts and spent the next fifteen minutes laughing like and idiot that I am and calling myself hot on her account .

'Your ex is hot'

That sentence is definitely going down in history. My children shall hear the tale of absolute dorkiness that made my ex remove all followers on instagram . Welp, there goes my plan to challenge myself to get double her follower list.

So then i told you about crying myself to sleep. Yea that happned too. So she found out what happned pretty fast and blocked me and  threw a tantaurm. I'm a petty person. So soon it was again a episode of the Arctic Monkeys.

"Now it's three in the morning,
And I'm trying to change your mind,
Left you multiple missed calls
And to my message you reply.
Why'd you only call me when you're high?
High
Why'd you only call me when you're high?"

Not the Miley version tho, it's the original one. She definitely dislikes this song. But the fact that i am an idiot who though making her angry would make me feel better. And then I self harmed again. Beacuse it didn't make me feel any good.

Now it's become a weird loop of feeling sad and then self harming and then again crying myself to sleep. Then there are some minutes where i pick little shards of happiness and giggle at them like a child.

"Love to feel the fresh air
I can feel your eyes stare
And I'm not gonna lie
I get a little bit scared
My heart is on wings
I'm living in dreams
And at the top of our lungs, we sing

Da da da da da da
Da da da da da da
Everything is perfect"