TW : MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDER ⚠️
please do not read if this is triggering !!
sleepless nights next to vinnie. constantly crying. headaches . being disgusted and disappointed with yourself . no being able to eat, because you're so grossed out by yourself. the negative thoughts that constantly cloud your mind day-in day-out . yes you have and amazing boyfriend, but there are even somethings he can't fix, he tries his hardest and i love him for it.
a week ago vinnie noticed i haven't been eating or drinking much, he's been concerned . i haven't been too distant because i still love him and want to be with him, i'm just having my own personal issues. he's been a lot more affectionate towards me, he'll cuddle with me a lot , he'll choose to stay home with me instead of hang out with his friends, he reminds me at least 10 times in a day.
"you know i love you, right?"
how could i forget?
i love him i'm just not feeling myself anymore , i can't eat without throwing up whatever i ate. i wished i looked like those pretty, skinny blonde girls , tall, long legs, not too chubby arms, perfect side profile. i feel bloated all the time though i don't eat much, even if i have a bite i'll feel guilty, i do get hungry sometimes but i distract myself from the feeling.
y/n pov
me and vinnie were at a mcdonald's drive thru.
"baby , what you want to order?"
"umm i don't know, i'm not that hungry" i fake smiled
"you must be hungry baby, you haven't eaten today"
"i'm fine vin seriously" i assured him.
he goes ahead and orders for me anyways.
"uh we'll have 2 burgers and 2 medium fries, a sprite and a water" he says with his hands on the drivers wheel
"vin-"
"we'll eat when we get home" he smiles
i don't even protest his words, i just dread and stress about what i'm going to do when we get home.
time skip until home
"vin do you want me to go warm our food" i smile warmly knowing that i'll add some of my food to his portion.
"no it's fine i'll do it, just go sit at the table" he kisses my head
"mhm" my heart almost breaks at his words, i don't want him to see me in such a state but the tears are starting to cloud my vision. they're just sitting there ready to spill.
i manage to compose myself before vinnie re-enters the room.
"alright here's your food, baby" he says handing it to me.
i plaster a fake smile across my face and he starts to eat. he gives me a 'what are you waiting for, just eat your food' look. i smile once again and i take a small nibble out of one of my fries. a look of distaste comes to my face, and the thoughts come flooding in again.
'don't eat too much , you'll gain weight'
tears begin to well up in my eyes. they spilled.
i broke down right there. disgusted with myself , disgusted by the fact i can't eat, life just isn't the same anymore.
vinnie assured me that, even if it not at my best, i will get better. he stuck by me through the time it took me to recover. sometimes it would be a cycle and i'd end up not eating for a few weeks/months at a time , but vinnie helped me. he was there from the start.
author note
hi!
bye!
i have an announcement...
just a bit more..
ok.
this is it i guess.
um well since we are nearly at 50k views on this book...
i thought i'd surprise you guys.
i've written another book.
i want to get more chapters completed before i fully publish. i'm not quite ready to release it yet and it won't be ready by the time i hit 50k, but i just wanted to give you guys something to look forward to !
yeah that's it!
it's not an imagines book it's like an actual book with vinnie starring as a main character.
yup!
cool!
you guys please be patient i have done a few chapters , i just want to do a few more.
thank you for all the love and support i appreciate it!
love jordyn x
