this will all be from y/n's pov, it's a more personal take on the first part.
tears of joy, excessive eating, overprotective husband, mood swings. oh the joys of being pregnant.
i became so attached to something so unfamiliar but it was like we've known each other forever, i was so excited i didn't even think about all the other possibilities.
the darkness reached for it and removed it from its comfortable position within my embrace, twining around it were the vines of the terror i felt as it slowly slipped out of my grasp, it left. it was removed into an unforgiving dark embrace, one that was not mine. tears threatened to spill from my eyes, i knew what was happening, something so close to me was now so far away. a single stream of crimson crept down my inner thigh, downwards on my leg and it finally reached my ankle. i felt it. every drop of the substance as it trickled down my silky skin and pooled on the floor beneath my feet. everything came to a standstill. the substance started to congeal in some places and i just let it fall, i didn't rid myself of the pain as it slipped out of me, i simply stood still and watched, i was attached. the last trace of it. the last thing to remind me of it. i blame myself for letting the darkness remove my firm hold on you. one day you were there, and the next, you were gone. i'm disappointed in myself for not doing more to save you. i craved peace, i craved silence i just don't want to hear all the gossip and constant chatter from outsiders. the very last words i want to hear - "i'm sorry for your loss". it was never genuine, i've lost a part of me and all people could utter were empty words that were meaningless, what does saying sorry really do, don't apologise for something that has no relation to you, it doesn't bring it back, it doesn't piece me back together, in fact it breaks me even more. the lack of his or her presence was suffocating, it was my air, the thing closest to me, the thing key to my survival. How could i possibly recover when i know that it's are gone.
it was so deeply connected to me, i had such a tight hold on it, how could they have possibly taken it away from me, it's presence was enough to make my day, but now that it's gone. i don't know what to do, what to feel. i'm angry with myself for not doing my best to protect it, others will say "it's not your fault" but how could they be so sure? they dont know the connection we once had. i miss it, i miss the feeling.
the thought of bearing another child hasn't even crossed my mind, it just won't be the same, it could never be the same.
my mind is an empty void.
a space in which you left a hole that cannot be filled.
i'll remember you, the joy you gave me, the different things you made me feel, though some of those feelings were unpleasant, i'd kill for another day to be with you.
author note
uh this is sad. i update so irregularly sorry i have end of year exams coming soon, and i just went back to irl school 2 weeks ago but now it's easter break for 2 weeks so i'll try my best to keep updating!
uh 130k+ reads and 2k+ votes already ?! wtf thank you so much i love and appreciate all of you
i'm mad someone finished the rice cakes i just bought.
ok whatever it's 2am and i can't sleep, uh i'd take my melatonin but i've taken it twice and slept twice during the day so that's a no no.
um i love you all have a nice day!
look after yourself and stay safe!!
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- love jordyn x
