Secrets - f.w.

Chapter 11

TW!!!! Mentions depression and eating disorders!

Aurora's POV. 

I've been avoiding Fred for the past week now, and it's been fine. Well, I wouldn't say fine... it feels more like someone took my heart and smashed it with a hammer, and then casted the crucio curse on it. 

It seems like Fred has replaced Angelina with me. She's always by his side, whether it's at meals or in the halls. She's attached to him. Every time I see those two together, jealousy floods my senses. But that jealousy is quickly replaced with heartbreak when I see how happy Fred looks with her. I know I've only known him for three months now, but my feelings for him have grown into something much more than friends, or whatever we were. I started to care for that goofy prankster. 

I guess it's for the best though. Fred could never be happy with someone like me. I have too many problems. He would never want a person like me, I'm just a burden to him. I'm keeping a huge secret from him, and if he ever found out, I would be thrown in Azkaban. But that's not the problem, I couldn't possibly imagine what Fred would say if I told him about my parents. He would feel betrayed. I know what that feeling is and I would never wish that feeling on anyone. I can't let him know about my feelings because I couldn't get attached. Eventually I would leave and go somewhere else and lose him. I would end up hurting Fred if we were together. 

So can I really blame him for picking Angelina? He seems much more happier with her, and it would be unfair of me to ruin their relationship. 

Right now, I'm watching Angelina whisper something in Fred's ear making him giggle. Even from across the dining hall I can see his dimples pop when he smiles. 

I shake my head of my awful thoughts. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. It's for the better that Fred doesn't have anything to do with me. I try to focus on my mound of homework that the teachers gave us for the weekend, but I'm distracted once again when someone sits across the table from me. 

I look up and find that it's the one person I do not want to see right now. Well, except for Fred. 

"Hey Angelina, what's up?" I give her a small smile, trying not to show how uncomfortable I am right now. She clearly looks upset, and I have a feeling it has something to do with me. 

"I just wanted to tell you to back off." She states rather bluntly. 

"I'm sorry what?" 

"I know there's something going on between you and Fred. But you need to back off because he likes me. He doesn't want anything to do with a Slytherin like you." She spat. 

Just then George walks by and from the look on his face, he heard everything Angelina just said. He stopped dead in his tracks and came up from behind Angelina, putting a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. 

"Hey Angelina, lets leave Rory be and let her do all that homework." Angelina looks very embarrassed at the fact that George heard her, but not too embarrassed to shoot me a nasty glare before getting up and returning to Fred's side. I give George a grateful smile and mouth 'Thank you' he simply nods and heads back to sit with his friends. 

I finish up my herbology essay and then headed off to drop my stuff at my dorm, not even bothering to eat dinner. 

I haven't been hungry lately, and I just have had no motivation to eat. I've dealt with this in the past, and I've gone multiple days and barely ate. Sometimes I just fall into that state where I have not motivation to do anything. Or sometimes I get so insecure I force myself to stop eating for a couple days. 

This time, it's a little bit of both. Angelina is a gorgeous girl and I mean how could you not compare yourself to her. I've always had a bit of stomach fat and I used to not mind, until I got older and girls became mean. I've never considered myself pretty just... average. I'm not skinny, my thighs are huge, my face isn't super attractive, I'm short. So can you blame me for comparing myself to Angelina, who's gorgeous? My mood has also been playing a factor into why I haven't eaten. Some days I can't even bring myself to take one bite. I just don't see the point in eating, and I can barely pick up my fork.