Something or Nothing

Green is not a good look on you

"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves."

---- William Penn

Gah. This is going to be one sensitive read.

I don't think there's a person on the planet who's been immune to jealousy. I know I'm not. I feel it's green goo slumbering over me on this app. Every fkn time. Not gonna go into the deets cause it's too humiliating. 

*croaks*

But yeah. It happens.

"You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself." ---- Margaret Atwood

We do this thing where we venture into a space of insecurity, jealousy, and comparison about where a particular person is versus where we are. And boy that sucks.... for the following reasons:

One --- it sucks to feel jealous and insecure. It royally sucks. It's just not a fun way to feel! And it's so exhausting, you know what I mean?

Two--- it sucks because it highlights a larger problem which is PERSONALIZING. This is a symptom of personalization- the habit of making things about you that are simply not about you.

There's an eight-word statement I learned from that has stuck with me. Sheldon has a twin sister called Missy, and an older brother called George, and he's smarter than both of them combined... and he loooves reminding them of that. Naturally, they feel inferior and insecure. But one day, while Missy and George were struggling to do Missy's homework and George kept blathering about how Sheldon would've answered all the questions under five seconds, Missy said, "I only look stupid cause he's so smart.'

An alarm went off in my head.

You know that feeling where it's like the heavens opened and revealed a very important revelation to you and you're just like, OH MY GODDDDD!? That was me then. My heart resonated with every word.

Now, whenever it matters, I simply replace "stupid" and "smart" with "ugly" and "pretty" or "afraid" and "fearless" or "timid" and "confident." And sometimes the pronoun changes too, of course. So it's like: "I only look ugly cause she's so pretty".

And hey, works every time.

So here's the thing. I don't care about why we get jealous and insecure and personalize shit. That's just not very important. Because whatever it is you're jealous of -- a romantic interest, someone's success, someone's beauty, someone's intelligence, someone's great ability -- doesn't matter, 'cause more stuff will come that you are going to be jealous of.

What you can do is remember that IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. It's just not. What's going on in other people's lives has nothing to do with what's going on in your life. Except for the meaning you assign to it, and what you believe about the potential it can have.

(wow, some sage wisdom here, huh? lmao.)

We have gotta learn to stop personalizing and stop making shit that's NOT about us, all about us.

So, if you are taking things personally, try this:

--- Acknowledge when you are making things about yourself.

--- Explore ways that the situation is not about you.

--- Quit trying to read minds and interpreting the behaviors of others.

--- Ask, don't assume (honestly don't jump to conclusions!)

--- Make small efforts to improve your self-esteem (even if you have to look in the mirror every day and list all the things you like about yourself and what you've accomplished)

--- And finally, repeat after me, "it's not about me."

"To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self " ---- Joan Didion

Cheers to getting over ourselves!