Dazushi/Dazatsu One-shots

razor blades and scissor cuts

TW: this chapter includes su*c*de and s*lf h*rm mentions. If this makes you uncomfortable please do not read this chapter.

MAKE IT STOP' The brown haired boy screamed in his own head. He'd locked himself in his room for hours not wanting anyone to see him like this. Especially not atsushi. He didn't understand why but atsushi cared about him and got sad when he saw Dazai at his worst.

So dazai started hiding when he felt broken. Well He always felt broken but more broken than normal. He started at his drawer. He had scissors hidden in there. Atsushi took all his razor blades. Atsushi didn't like it when dazai cut. Dazai got up and went to grab the scissors when his phone started ringing. "Hello?" He tried to sound normal and hide the fact he'd been crying for the last hour at least. "Dazy, is something wrong?" Dazai stayed silent for a second. "No, everything is fine" apparently he was quite for a second to long. "You've been up there for hours, and why are you suddenly getting quite?" "I'm fine, just tierd" "I'm coming to your room" "okay-!" Dazai quickly hung up and threw the scissors back into his drawer and threw him jacket on. He had his bandages off the whole time.

"Dazy let me in." "Alright" dazai wiped his tears and opened the door. "Dazy. You have tear stains on your face" "I'm fine atsu, just a bad day, im fine" atsushi hugged him. "Why? Whats wrong?" Dazai stayed quite because he honestly didn't know how to answer. Why? Why is he sad? He's always been sad. He didn't know how to deal with it and atsushi knew that. He can't just say 'I hate myself and was about to cut and most likely stab myself with scissors' so he just stayed quite. "Dazai?" "Atsushi why do you care about me? I'm a suicidal maniac..." dazai didn't mean to say the last part. "Dazai...I love you" the smaller boy sighs "how many times do I need to tell you that?" Dazai started crying again. He wished he never started talking because now he can't seem to stop. "I'm sorry. You deserve a better boyfriend. Stop worrying about me atsushi. Leave me. Let me go. All I ever do is worry you. I deserve to die. Will dying maker the pain stop? MakeItStopMakeItStop. Why am I still alive-" dazai became silent when atsushi stated rubbing his back "sshhh its okay dazai. Calm down. You were crying before I came in weren't you?" Dazai nods reluctantly. "Why don't you tell me when your upset?" "I don't wanna worry you"

Atsushi let dazai cry into his shoulder for as long as he needed. "Baby its okay. Itll all be okay." "Thank you atsu...." dazoa started "youd be mad if you knew what I was gonna do" he mumbled under his breath not expecting atsushi to hear him. "What were you gonna do dazai. And I won't be mad." "Shit- you weren't supposed to hear thay- uhm-" "dazy calm down." "I uh- look get out I'm not trying to be rude but I need some space- from everyone- uh-" he was obviously panicking. "Were you gonna cut?" Dazai looked down "were you gonna attempt again?" He kept staying silent. "...n-no...why would you think that-" dazai got interrupted by his own crying. "M-maybe I was....Its not like it'll actually kill me, nd cutting won't kill so- d-dont worry about it-" "dazai- calm down"

A few days went by after that, atsushi stayed around dazai more than normal. Just incase dazai had another breakdown. Even when dazai locked himself in his room atsushi would text him a lot.

"I'm going to my room now" "alright but if I come to check on you let me in, and answer my texts. Okay dazy?" Dazai nodded, he walked to his room and locked the door, he turned his notifications up, because it he answers atsushi no one will worry.

Dazai dosnet mean to but he starts crying the second he closes his door. he'd been holding in his tears all day. Fairly quickly he reached for his scissors. He didn't mean to he just wasn't thinking. He ripped off his bandages and dragged the scissors over his arm. He started bleeding and he did it again and again and again. He always cut deeper than he should. Once he snapped out of his mental breakdown he threw the scissors at his desk and fell to the floor having another mental breakdown, "DAMMIT. I LET HIM DOWN AGAIN. IF HE FINDS OUT HE'LL BE UPSET." He started sobbing more than he was before. He got new bandages and wrapped them around his arms. Then looking at his phone- "shit-" 3 unread texts. He grabs his phone and types quickly"
'Hey atsu! Sorry I didn't answer i had my notifications down, I was crying so I wasn't checking my phone-!'
He hated telling atsushi he'd been crying but he knew it's the only sensible excuse. The text got read and then atsushi knocked on his door "shit..." dazsi withered under his breath "One sec-" he threw the scissors back into the drawer then opened his door. "Hey" astushi didn't say anything he just hugged dazai. "If you're worried, don't be, I simply didn't check my texts, alright?" "You're lying" "huh-" dazais tone always changed slightly when he lied. No one else but atsushi picked up on it though. "How many..." atsushi spoke quietly. "How many cuts dazy." "I didn't cut-" "I said how many" dazai looked away. "It was an accidnet...I tried i really did try." "Show me dazy" dazai slowly took his bandages off his arms and then stopped mid way. "I'm sorry." "Dazai I'm not mad I'm just worried for you. Please stop this" "I'm sorry I'm making you worried" he went back to slowly taking off the bandages. Once the cuts were shown dazai started crying again. "I swear I tried to stay clean. I just wanted to feel better. ItWasOnImpulse- please don't be mad at me." "Dazy. You can't keep doing this to yourself. What did you even do that with?" "Scissors...there in my drawer." Atsushi opened the drawer and took the scissors. "I'm taking these" dazai stayed quite. "Those cuts are really bad-" "I know. Thats the point. I wanted them to hurt." "Why do you keep doing it dazy?" "It makes me feel better-" "BUT ITS NOT HELPING!?!" "NEITHER IS YELLING AT ME ABOUT HOW IM HURTING MYSELF..." they both sigh. "I...I know...I'm sorry for yelling." Atsushi gently kissed dazai. "But please next time come to me when you feel like that, okay?" Dazai nodded reluctantly. "Sorry atsu..." he payed his head on atsushi shoulder. "Can you stay with me please?" "Alright but we need to wash your cuts off" "alright fine"

A/N: OOKKKAAYY SSOO I KNOW THIS WAS KINDA CONFUSING AND CHAOTIC- THE NEXT ONE WILL BE FLUFF