Dazushi/Dazatsu One-shots

anggstt

This request was made by kkokichiii

TW: s*lf h*rm, su*c*d*, self hate

'You don't deserve to live' those same exact words he got told every single day as a child. They still rang through his mind every second of everyday. It had gotten worse recently though. Atsuhsi stood in his bathroom looking at himself in the mirror "let down. Failure. Dazai probably hates you. Everyone probably hates you" he stared in the mirror saying bad things about himself. Then he heard his phone start to ring and picked it up. "Hey atsu is everything okay? You've seemed off for the last few days?" "Yep! Everything's fine! Why?" "....you don't seem fine" "okay okay fine- I'm just a bit down cuz of some thoughts about my childhood, you don't need to worry about it I'm okay!" "Alright, wanna watch a movie or something? There's nothing to do today and kunikida yelled at me for bothering everyone" "yeah sure in a minute" Atsushi hung up and kept staring at himself. "He's just pittying you..." he mumbled to himself before wiping away his tears and walking to dazais room.

They hung out and watched random stuff for a while before Dazai randomly paused it. "What are you doing?" "Are you sure your okay? You do seem off today?" "Yes dazy I'm fine just some stuff about my childhood" "you can talk about it if you need to" "no it's fine. IM fine, I'm perfectly okay" "okay now your pushing this to hard what's wrong" Atsushi let out a heavy sigh and hugged onto Dazais arm. "Atsu?" "A lot is wrong..." and the tears started to silently flow down his face again the second those words left his mouth. Dazai hugged the smaller tiger boy. "It'll be okay" he ran his fingers through atsushis hair "are you sure?" Dazai nods.

Weeks went by with basically the same cycle but progressively getting worse and worse every day. Atsushi sit on his bed, he just got off work and immediately started crying. "They don't need you here they don't need you ever they don't need you here" he yelled at himself over and over again. Stumbling up from his bed he walks over to his drawers, the ones no one ever opened. "Just make it all stop oh god somebody please...They don't need me here." Warm tears slid down his cheeks while he slid the cool metal across his arms. Over and over again. Dazai didn't know, but Atsushi had been doing this for a while. "They don't need me, I don't even have a right to live...SO WHY SHOULD I EVEN KEEP TTYING- what the hells the point!?! No ones even gonna miss me anyways..."

"Kunikida I'm leaving early" "Dazai why? Are you gonna go try to kill yourself again or something?" "No. I have a bad feeling okay just let me leave." "Okay but wh-" "bye." Dazai left with no explanation. The others all looked at each other "uhm..." they all said in sync to each other.

"I'm useless here I'm useless here I'm useless here-" And then the razor got snatched from his hand. "DAZAI- when did you get here how much did you see!?!" "We're you gonna kill yourself or were you just cutting cuz those are really deep..." "I..uhm- it's not- I- uhm-" the tiger boy started choking in his words and crying more. "Calm down let me get you some bandages" "no.." "what-?" "No...let me bleed out..please...I can't do this anymore I'm not as strong as you I can't handle this anymore dazy. I'm not doing any good for anyone. I'm so fucking useless here" "atsu. Look at me. You are sharing way stronger than me...why would you even think I'm strong? And your doing so much good. Plus...your the one keeping me alive...so please don't go just yet" tears started dripping down dazais face. "Here" Dazai spoke softly getting some bandages and wrapping them around atsushis arms. "How long have you had those blades" atsushi stayed quite. "You don't wanna answer?" "No..." "okay...look atsushi. Please don't die I need you here, I'll help you get better if you just let me? Please?" "But you have all your own stuff to deal with?" "I don't care about all that right now, okay?"
"...fine" the smaller big mumbled falling into dazais arms.