1-26-21 | 2k words
I was having a breakdown while writing
this have mercy 😭🤚
I pull my knees closer to my chest. My face is buried in my black jeans. I can feel the denim pressing into my skin, but I don't have any plans of looking up soon. Everyone else is with their peers, mingled in with their respective friendgroups. I feel mildly lonely, yet not lonely enough to approach someone and try to make a friend. I've come to learn that that never does anything good for me, I don't exactly have a good reputation at this school (as I'm sure you've noticed.)
I'm sitting in the protective shade of a tree, going unnoticed like the nobody I am. its surprisingly sunny for September. Here, usually, its chilly and gloomy. Its nearly the end of school, I'm just waiting for the bell to ring so I can run away from this horrid place, we all are.
I'd search for David if I wasn't so deathly afraid of the Seniors at our school. Obviously an exaggeration, I'm like a foot taller than these cucks, but god are they're annoying. The stoner grade twelves either ignore me completely or tease me with sly comments. Or just look at me disapprovingly, like they're my dad and I just flicked Tommys head while walking by. I don't even know what I did to those motherfuckers, they're just unkind.
Today hasn't been a total loss, though. I did actually ask Schlatt for his number. An extremely awkward exchange, but I did actually get it in the end. I told him I'd call him, or something. I don't know. I'm still happy about that encounter. It was so easy, he didn't- I don't know, bite me or something. It was very nice.
I shiver, hugging myself into a ball so tightly. I don't know why I'm so glum, thats just sort of the mood for today. I peer over my knees slightly, I'm greeted with a pair of checkered vans. My gaze trails up to see Cooper standing above me, he looks unimpressed. I rub my eyes tiredly.
"Hi." I mutter raising my head.
"Having another episode, Wilbur?" I don't know whether this is sympathetic or not.
"No?"
"Yeah, I wouldn't put it past a freakshow like you." He ignores my confirmation of being fine.
"Okay."
I keep my eyes low, I'm waiting for the blow, the real reason Cooper approached. Hes always got something to say, a mouthy little one he is. His black and white shoes are stained with mud. I'd suggest for him to wash them, but I don't know if you can wash those kinds of shoes. They dont have any laces, they look more like slippers than anything.
"Nice shoes." I comment.
He doesn't respond, just kicks at the ground a little bit. A little rock rolls towards me.
"Remember when you disappeared for, like, two weeks in seventh?" Cooper nonchalantly scuffed some dirt at me, I pressed my back futher against the tree.
"Um, kind of." It was because Tommy was in the hospital, and with the added on therapy for my attempted killings I didn't have time for school.
Coopers lips are chapped "Yeah, everyone thought you killed yourself." I think he might have the habit of biting off the skin "It was like, the talk of the school. It was magical even, everyone thought you died and were elated. It brought us closer together, I think." out of nervousness, maybe? I don't know what Cooper would be nerv-
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He sneers, making me snap out of my trance.
"I wasn't listening- sorry." I shake my head, my head hurts. Its too loud.
"I was just telling you about how much everyone loved the sound of you killing yourself."
I don't know what Coopers trying to achieve, what hes saying isn't really getting to me. One part because I'm tired and one because its too loud to pay much attention anyway. I just want him to leave.
