Trigger Warning: Self Harm
The worst feeling to exist
Isn't the hunger,
The desire to slice my own skin,
Watching the blood pool down my arms
Or the disgust as I stare
At the reflection in the mirror;
A collage of unrequited feelings
Made to resemble a broken heart.
It's not the anxiety intensifying,
Overtaking each and every
Bone and vessel in my pathetic being.
It's absolutely none of that.
The worst feeling is knowing
That no matter what I do,
No matter how much
I try to convince myself,
No matter how many
Love stories I read,
No matter how many
Love songs I listen to,
No matter how hard I try
To believe my desperate lies,
Nobody will ever truly love me.
I don't even love me, so how could
Anyone else do the same?
My soul will never latch and connect
With another.
I will never let myself completely
And truly release in front of
Another person.
I will never completely relax.
My body will never fully still.
It's your touch I will never receive.
It's my feelings that you won't
Ever reciprocate.
My love for you that you'll never
Have for me.
That is the worst feeling in the world.
YOU ARE READING
Pleasure or Pain? (Poetry)
PoetryI call this my book of chaos; my sanctuary. When the turmoil inside of me resurfaces, when I've surpassed my tipping point, putting my jumbled thoughts and conflictions into words gives back the control I initially lost.
