Today i woke up and i got ready for another shot of another music video.I have been getting a lot of hate lately.Stuff like"You should kill yourself"Or"She is the only girl in the group and she is the fattest"(By the way these i made up it is not the way i think.I love Kirstin with my whole heart).When i left my apartment i took a deep breath and drove to the set once i was there we made the video and once we done it.I went into the bathroom and then i saw how fat i actually am.Now i understand why Natasha cheated on me.Once i went home i started to binge and purge and after i finished that i went just shopping and once i got back to my apartment i went inside and i saw Natasha in the living room"Hey"She said"Hi"I said to her and i went into my room and put all the new stuff that i bought in my room and then i went back into the living room"How have you been?"I asked her"It is not important.The most important thing is.How are you.I am really sorry for what i have done"Natasha said and i just nodded and took a deep breath"I understand why you did it"I said"What do you mean you understand?"She asked me"Well at first i was mad at you but then i was just sad and now i understand that so many people are better then me"I said while looking down and Natasha came closer to me"Don't you dare think that"She said to me and i just looked up at her with tears"You are the most beautiful, unique and kind person i ever met"She said i started to have more tears in my eyes"Do you really mean that?"I asked her and she nodded and i just hugged her and she hugged me back"I miss my best friend"I said and Natasha nodded and held me tight"Me too"She said and i smiled"Best friends?"She asked me when we pulled away and i smiled and nodded"Best friends"I said"Oh and by the way the new music video is a banger"She said and i smiled"Thx.Some hours ago we just finished another one"I said and she nodded"You must be really busy"She said and i nodded"Yep"I said and smiled"But i love it"I said and i sat down on my couch and Natasha sat next to me and we started to watch movie's.And after sometime i saw Natasha fell asleep with her head on my shoulder"I am so sorry for what my mom had done to you...You didn't deserve that"I said and kissed the top of her head and i layed her down and put a blanket over her and put a pillow under her head and then i went into my room and i just layed on my bed and i looked at all the comments i got under my new instagram photo's until i fell asleep
Next Morning
I woke up and i took a deep breath and i went and showered and i changed into this
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I went on my instagram and i saw a text from someone and it said"Do you want to show up at my house?I wish you would,then you can have the chance to see a real woman...right before you leave this planet.You lifeless bitch.You messeged me i say whatever the fuck i want.Take your own advice and fuck off stupid slut.Go fuck some more boys so they will join your team you fucking twat.Ain't you got some whoring to do right about now?So does your boyfriend know your a whore or just washimi and sow players?Worthless bitch.Go appoligize to a tree for making oxygen to waste by existing."As i finished reading that i runned to my bathroom and i just went into the shower and sat in the corner and cried and then i got an idea and i started to hurt myself and there was a knock on the door"Lisa are you okay?"I heard Natasha ask"I am fine"I said with my voice cracking"You don't sound fine.Please Lisa open the door"Natasha said and i just stayed in the corner and i looked down at my wrists and my thighs.They were all in blood and i just started to cry again.I heard Natasha picking the lock and then the door opened and once she saw me.She stopped"Omg...Lisa"She said with tears going down her cheeks already and she came up to me and tried to stop me from bleeding out"Lisa why?"She asked me and once she finished cleaning with my thighs and my wrist's.She turned off the shower and sat next to me"I don't know"I cried out and Natasha just held me and started to sing to me"When the sun shine, we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we'll still have each other You can stand under my umbrella"Once she finished. I calmed down and she helped me up"Come on let's change you out of these clothes"She said and i nodded and after i got on new clothes.I looked at Natasha"Promise me that you wouldn't tell anyone about this"I told her"Am i the only one that knows?"She asked and i took a deep breath and nodded"How long have you been doing it for?"She asked me"An year"I said while looking down"How didn't i notice"She said"Don't blame yourself.No one noticed"I said"What happened that you doing this?"She asked me"Do you want an answer that i would answer from 1 year or these months?"I asked her"How about both?"She asked me"So these months i have been getting a lot of hate and 1 year ago i did it because i didn't think i was enough or that i deserved anything"I said"If you ever feel like you want to do it just call me"She said and i looked at her and nodded and i hugged her and i put my arm's around her shoulders and cried into her neck and then there was a knock on the door and i just took a deep breath and whipped my tears away and i went and opened the door"Hey girl i came here to ask if you wanted to go shopping?"Mitch said and i smiled and nodded"Okay"I said"Can i come too?"Natasha asked from behind me and i nodded"Yeah sure.Let's go"Mitch said and us three went shopping and had fun and after sometime Mitch drived us first to drop Natasha off at the compoud and then we drove to my apartment and we went into the living room and we just sat down"So what is going on with you and Natasha"Mitch asked me"We both agreed to be best friends"I said and Mitch nodded and we just started to watch movie's and after the movie's finished and we just got board so we invited Scott over and we started to just hang out and we started to sing together just for fun
