Self Worth - Fred Weasley Fan Fic

When push comes to shove

"Hey Elia, heading to the bleachers?" Camila asked. "Uhh no, I'll just go to the library with you guys again" Elia replied without hesitation.

It's been about a week since she stopped seeing Fred. She didn't go to watch Ravenclaw practices anymore, she stopped planning days to tutor with him and she never made eye contact with Fred if they were in the same room. She didn't even attend the first quidditch match of the year, the one between Gryffindor and Slytherin. 

Ignoring him was difficult for a while but everything finally started feeling like second nature to Elia, everything except for not watching practices after school. Instead, she went with Cami and Ali to the library with their other friends. It was never as fun, but it didn't matter as long as she wasn't getting closer to him.

Fred not approaching her about the sudden change in their relationship already showed that he didn't mind her being gone. It made Elia feel even sicker knowing that he's doing completely fine without her while she was having to do all this just so that she wouldn't think of him. She hadn't been laughing as much and she started disengaging herself from conversations again. Elia was going back to her old self, but she was unaware entirely.

Elia sat down next to Ali at the end of the table as everyone who was already there did their orderly polite greeting. Elia and Alison were both working on their healing potions project together, where they had to research and write an essay on a healing potion of their choice. Elia got up from their table to find a book on potions when she noticed a tall ginger-haired boy enter the library from the corner of her eye. She felt her heart race and her shoulders tense up at the possibility of it being Fred. His build and the way he walked was so similar to the way Fred did, there was no way it wasn't him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and reassured herself that if it were him, he probably wouldn't be looking for her and that he most likely wasn't even going to notice her. She got up and picked up the stack of books she and Ali were done with to put away and avoided eye contact with him thoroughly. The walk to the section of shelves has never felt longer and she felt the boy's stare on her. She felt him following her and right when he called out her name, "Elia! There you are!"

 her eyes shut closed and her mind went havoc. This was definitely Fred Weasley. 

"Hey, you've been missing out on Beineke failing as seeker for the like the past week what have you been up to," The boy asked catching up to her pace as Elia's eyes remained averted, and with an expressionless tone replied, "I don't know". She felt Fred taken back at her response, being that the last time she spoke that way was during their first conversation. 

¨You don't know what you've been up to for the past week?" He asked in a slightly irritated tone and her dim-witted response

"I have an exam," She said in the same blank tone. "Oh, and exam?" he scoffed, "what kind of professor assigns an exam this early in the year?" attempting to change the tone of their conversation.

"I don't know.." She repeated keeping her dull attitude. She felt him staring at her trying to analyze what she was thinking as she entered a row of shelves.

Fred looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, "Um well I can help you if you want, I had all A's except for Muggle Stud-"

"No I'm fine really, you can go now" Elia declared making it a little more obvious what she was implying. She looked around and saw the students who were in the row watching, quickly look away from them, and felt slightly ashamed.

"Are you ok? You seem upset, did I do something? " He asked concerned and mildly frustrated with a serious face on that somewhat frightened Elia. 

without thinking or even knowing what he asked she said, "I don't know". All she wanted to do was get out of that conversation, even if it meant pissing him off. He stayed quiet. She could feel him trying to analyze what was going on in her mind, but she made sure she made it as difficult as possible for him to figure it out.

He leaned his hand on the desk facing the shelves and said, "Elia" with firmness finally getting her attention.

"Hm?"

"Look at me" 

She let out a frustrated breath and faced him but still kept her contact away from his.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" he asked with a preeminent attitude. Elia nodded hesitantly since she didn't plan on being so blunt.

"Alright, I'll leave you alone" He nodded when Elia turned away thinking their conversation ended until he adamantly grabbed her wrist turning her around to face him again. 

"right after you stand here and listen to what I have to say for three minutes, with eye contact" He asserted causing Elia to break her streak of avoiding eye contact to finally look in his eyes to see if he was being serious. With his stance strong, his lips pursed, and his eyebrows furrowed, she knew he was going to tell her off. And knowing Fred, he wasn't going to hold back on anything. 

Elia felt her heart rate rise and even caught herself holding her breath, but she wasn't going to let him know that she was feeling anything. She gave him a skeptical look as he smirked and convinced, "3 minutes and you'll never hear from me again". 

He was good. She took a deep breath and gave him her full attention. 

"I've noticed from the day we first talked that you have an unhealthy tendency to push people and feelings away" Fred stated, "I haven't figured out why you do this and I'm hoping I will by the end of this conversation, but I think this habit of yours is keeping you from enjoying real life and not just reading about it," He said with a glare that felt like death. Even though Elia was always the type to never talk back in an argument just so she could get out of it, the words he was saying and the way he said it expecting her not to argue back triggered something in her that made her want to prove him wrong. 

¨You know what Weasley, just because someone chooses to live their life differently than yours doesn't mean their miserable"

"I never said that" He protested.

"No, but that's what you're implying. Because if you think about it, I haven't told you anything about myself and you just made this whole assumption about me. Stop acting like you know everything" 

¨Fine, explain to me why every time I ask you a simple question about your life, you genuinely don't know how to answer?" He protested as Elia went silent. Fred tutted, "Looks like I know more than you think," He said, staring her down. 

Elia has never felt more disgusted by him in her life. She hated him and the things he was saying. Elia was heated with anger and all she wanted to do at this very moment was for him to leave.

"I don't care what you think, I don't keep myself from enjoying life and I don't push people away" She proclaimed in an attempt to walk out until he grabbed her wrist again and said, "Oh yeah? then give me a good reason why you're pushing me away right now, your friend". Elia glared at him and without any thought said, "we were never friends Fred. It was always you coming up to me, it's pathetic".

Fred's expression changed. It was still angry, but with his eyes, Elia could tell his patience for her was long gone.

"Congratulations Quill... you'll never hear from me again". And with those words, all of her ill feelings towards him disappeared, leaving her alone in her guilt and remorse. She watched the students who overheard part a way for him to exit as she felt a feeling of utmost shame fill her entire body. She felt terrible, but why? She wanted him to leave, right?

"Elia? did you get the books?" Alison asked Elia interrupting her train of thought. Elia blinked back to reality, "Oh- sorry, I got distracted", but her guilt remained inside her.

Elia lost something today, she didn't what it was but it was the worst feeling she's ever felt.

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