Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
[ . . . ]
TW: self-harm, graphic descriptions
JIYEON HAD BEEN DROWNING SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.
The feeling of being submerged in the water was no new feeling to Jiyeon. Drowning was no pretty way to go. There was panic and fear, struggling and sinking. Hopelessness mixed with the burning flames that got ignited inside one's lungs as they sunk further and further down.
She broke the surface with a gasp. Her lungs slowly calmed down as her chest heaved up and down, taking in every ounce of oxygen she possibly could. For nine years, she had lived with the monsters in her head. Day by day, she had tried to fight them until it all changed. Until Jiyeon dropped to her knees and let them take over, succumbing to the depression that would change everything about her.
Jiyeon's soul was nothing more than a broken mirror. Shattered into a thousand pieces, too sharp to pick up and piece together. They reflected her truth and the empty universe behind her eyes; an endless emptiness without a light, the stardust and remnants of the once happiness was long gone, only a small flicker left.
The blue t-shirt clung to her body, desperately holding on as if it was afraid to let go.
The blood was slowly dripping from her lower arm. The warm water had opened the wounds once more, exposing them to the world outside. Turning her chin upwards, Jiyeon looked through the small window. She could hear voices on the other side, laughing. They sounded happy.
Happy.
Exhaling a heavy breath, Jiyeon slumped down in the bathtub. Her attention was solely on the three voices on the outside, their laughs and words.
'So you live here hyung?'
'Yeah, number 219.'
219, the apartment beside her. Jiyeon didn't know she was going to get a new neighbour. The place had been empty for years prior to her arrival. A murder took the owner's life, she never got to meet them but she knew they were of the elderly kind.
Jiyeon was never stupid. No, far from it. She understood how disgusting her lifestyle was, how disgusting her thoughts and choices were. How pathetic she was for letting herself wallow in her own self-pity, how weak she was for planning to die early like her father.
She tried talking to people, she tried making new friends but no one would understand. No one would understand that Jiyeon didn't feel sad. Jiyeon felt numb and she did not have the motivation to bring herself to feel sad. There was a certain danger in that numbness, a creeping numbness that injudiciously degraded and diminished every aspect of her conscious life. Especially when it met the lucidity of self-destruction.
Her thoughts endlessly paced and endlessly wandered around her mind. The only thing that could stop these endless streams of thoughts was the remembrance that Jiyeon would one day die.
How truly odd it was to be comforted by such a dark thought.
Closing her eyes, Jiyeon ignored the stinging pain in her underarms. She slid further and further down the bathtub until her head was submerged once more.
Water clung to her, hugging her in a tight grip, in a way no one ever had.
Her lungs screamed and shouted, begging her to get to the surface once more.
Pushing down her survival instincts, she tried her best to stay underwater. No matter how hard she tried, her survival instincts would bring her to the surface. Arms flailing, Jiyeon broke the surface.
Feeling the cold air hit her skin, she inhaled a sharp breath.
She couldn't do it.
Drowning wasn't a good way to go, Jiyeon was well aware of it. The oxygen in her blood would turn into carbon dioxide, which in its own turn would make her gasp for air. Doing so underwater would only fill her lungs with more water. When her lungs were filled with water, they would start spasming alongside her throat to stop them from collapsing. And then her larynx would close up.
She'd end up with a heart attack.
But her body would never allow her to do such a thing.
Now, Jiyeon wasn't really picky but she wished to disappear from the face of Earth.
If so, if she wished to do such a thing so badly, why could she not?
Sighing, her tears merged with the water. Salty droplets left comforting kisses along her cheeks, painting her pale skin with yet another set of invisible scars.
Clearly, there was something wrong with her; and she was too weak to fix it.
