Everything or Nothing
CatacylsmicEvents
Chapter 13: I'm glad that we were roommates.
Notes:
Content Warning: Discussion of past self harm
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Chuuya stirs, slightly unhappy about being woken up when Dazai gently jostles his shoulder. “No...” he groans, shaking his head and burrowing back against Dazai’s chest, making his friend snort and shake his head.
“I gave you an hour.”
Chuuya’s eyes open reluctantly, slipping towards the clock, and...It is 2:30 in the morning, so he did.
“Don’t wanna move...” Chuuya mumbles, barely even able to wiggle his toes.
“I wasn’t gonna make you walk,” Dazai points out, “I just need you to sit up.”
“Don’t...wanna...”
“Brat.”
“Hey!”
WhethermChuuya likes it or not, he does end up getting carried to the bathroom in Dazai’s arms, “Do people get this sore every time?” Chuuya mumbles, wincing when Dazai sets him down on the shower bench—partially from the cold marble against his bare skin, but really because his lower back and thighs are already aching, even after just an hour.
“The first time is usually worse,” Dazai admits, knowing it would have been a lot worse if Chuuya hadn’t been very carefully prepped first. “But we went...a little hard.”
“A little?” Chuuya repeats dryly He’s honestly going to have to sneak out when they leave without looking at anyone from housekeeping, because he doesn’t even want to think about what they’re going to have to deal with.
“It was my first time with a guy,” Dazai shrugs, “I wanted to have a well rounded experience.”
Right. Chuuya stiffens slightly at the thought. Technically, that was Dazai’s first time giving a blowjob. His first time fucking a guy, and—
He’s already that good.
Jesus Christ.
Chuuya can barely lift his arms over his head, but he doesn’t have to. Dazai washes him in the shower, from head to toe—with an attentiveness that Chuuya finds slightly out of character, but comforting.
He remembers the way Dazai held him after—the first time they messed around. He remembers the way he said that it was his way of helping Chuuya get from a 3, to a 7. And on the vulnerability scale, Chuuya feels like a 1.5 at best, so—the way Dazai is carefully using the detachable shower head to rinse out his shampoo...It’s helping. And it’s only for now, so Chuuya decides to lean into it, enjoying it while it lasts.
But Dazai, whether he means to or not, casts this little shadow of doubt over everything.
It’s when they’re in the bath, the hot water helping Chuuya’s stained muscles relax, with the redhead lounging between Dazai’s legs, leaning back against his chest.
Dazai has been oddly quiet, content to just comb Chuuya’s wet hair, or work at rubbing the tension out of the redhead’s shoulders. But for the last few minutes, he’s just been holding Chuuya, sitting in contented silence. Long enough for Chuuya to assume he’s falling asleep, but when the redhead glances back, he finds Dazai staring at him with this unreadable, admittedly soft expression.
“...What?” Chuuya asks slowly.
Dazai’s answer...it’s so calm, like it isn’t anything new, and he has said it before, but only during sex.
