Everything or Nothing
CatacylsmicEvents
Chapter 32: Post-it Notes
Notes:
content warnings for this chapter: biphobia, emotional abuse, victim blaming, mentions of terminal cancer
you can find me on twitter at @cataclysmiceve1 !
Merry Christmas!
The next day, however, is better—in the sense that when Chuuya wakes up in Dazai’s bed, clad in one of his boyfriend’s sweatshirts and a pair of pajama pants, he doesn’t hurt anywhere, and he doesn’t feel exhausted either.
Which, by all standards, is a huge improvement.
But he’s alone in bed, and that’s a step down from yesterday.
The teenager sits up groggily, his head poking up from under the blankets, hair sticking out in every which direction, and he lets out a low yawn. “ ‘Samu?”
“Over here—" Chuuya turns his chin sleepily, finding Dazai standing in front of his closet, buttoning up his shirt—and he looks suspiciously close to being ready for the day, while Chuuya is barely even blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “Are you...going somewhere?”
Dazai looks a little reluctant, but he nods. “I’m having lunch with my mother.”
Chuuya’s eyes widen slightly as he takes that in, unsure as to how that would go well after what they heard yesterday, but—
Right.
Dazai has to ask her for...
Chuuya grimaces. “You really don’t have to—”
“It’s really not a big deal, Chibi, don’t worry about it.”
“Want me to go with you?”
“No—" the answer is so rushed and emphatic, lacking any explanation and—
Chuuya is still a little too groggy to keep the hurt out of his expression. “Okay, fine, never mind.”
“Chuuya—" Dazai’s expression is immediately remorseful. “It isn’t like that, I just...”
“Just what?” Chuuya mumbles, reaching up to rub his eyes, and Dazai bites the inside of his cheek.
“...Want it to go well?”
Chuuya’s eyes widen even more. “Oh.”
“Fuck,” Dazai pinches the bridge of his nose, “that came out wrong.”
“You think?”
“I just mean...she can be...difficult for people who don’t know her, and...” Dazai doesn’t really care when his Mom gets...absentmindedly cruel when it’s him, because he knows that she doesn’t mean it.
But if she did that with Chuuya? Especially with how he is right now?
He’s doing an excellent job at not showing it, but he’s fragile. He doesn’t have to be open about it for Dazai to know.
And Dazai can’t see himself reacting well in that scenario.
“I want you to meet her, just in...different circumstances.”
Chuuya supposes he can understand that. It probably isn’t easy to ask someone to sign off to spending an excessive amount of money while the person who needs the medical treatment is sitting across the table, asking someone to pass the salt.
So, it makes sense, that Chuuya wouldn’t be invited along.
“I get it.” Chuuya mutters, and when he sees the shrouded anxiety in Dazai’s eyes, he tags on, “Really, Dazai. I’m not upset.”
