Lie to Me // Harry Styles A.U.

#15 BLAKE

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Overanalyzing is one of my favorite past times. Not only does it help me get my job done and work out my brain more than it already is, but it helps me really look into all types of situations and solutions. Overthinking is definitely also on my list because of how lost I get in my thoughts, my brain running hours on end with no indication of stopping is just so amusing.

Just kidding.

Maybe not with the overanalyzing part but overthinking makes me want to rip the hair out of my roots. I don't understand why Harry asking me to go on a road trip with him is making the gears in my brain uncomfortably grind against each other. I am not used to this type of behavior with men that I thought were like him; narcissistic heartless womanizers that find pleasure whilst doing dangerous things.

I have had my fair share in studying all types of personalities and how to deal with them, manipulate them especially, but narcissism is something I had to put my mind to for months before I even decided to physically meet Harry. The way their brain works is amazing, they may seem like they are all put together on the outside and full of confidence but it is quite the opposite. They are in constant need of validation and attention or they will crumble and self-destruct, but only for a small amount of time before they destroy everything and everyone around them. Behind their strong front of self-love and lack of empathy for others is a vulnerable ego unable to withstand the slightest of criticism and rejection.

While studying narcissism in men and women, I slowly started to recognize slight things that I do that can consider me a slight narcissist. One major component I recognized is how all my life I have occupied my mind with the fantasy of what I want for my next goal in life. I completely obsess over it and will not get over it till I fulfill my success and get recognition from a higher authority, whether it's getting good grades in school to show to my father or accomplishing my assignment to show Stella. I don't care who I hurt along the way or whose skin I have to get under to get my way, but I won't stop till I've accomplished my goal.

When the case was brought to our attention, there was absolutely no way I was going to let it slip from my hands. I proved to her and myself how dedicated I was to the case and how deep I'll go, hence the intense hours of research gone into these specific topics. At first, she didn't understand the sudden urgency for my need to be a part of this case, me or Mason's, but it took a decent amount of persuasion to explain to her how educational this could be for us. We also had to explain how Mason and I have constantly fought over things like this over the years and it has made us stronger in everything we do, and being able to put both of our brains into this will help us close this case even faster.

Now, the reasons we listed to Stella and the rest of the leadership of the agency were not complete lies but there is a much larger reason behind it all. Mason and I have to be on this case because of how beneficial our unknown knowledge will be. Mason knows it, I know it, but they don't need to know it, at least not now. We'll tell them when everything is done, and if we end up getting in trouble for withholding valuable information and having a personal connection to the case, so be it. As long as all of this is over at the end, I know every lie and risk will be worth it in the end.

The hot latte I ordered has turned cold now and I don't know how long I have been trapped in my own mind for it to cool down under the hot sun. It's a beautiful day and I decided to take a break from everything I have been changing in my life and live in the moment, taking advantage of Harry being out of town. I came to the cafe down the road from my new place and instead of bringing my work journal, I decided to bring my personal one. For the first time in months, I'm finally able to write down what I am actually feeling towards the situation I have put myself in, both physically and emotionally.