Tiger (Brian&Leah, 2)

19. Enough

Taryn snaps her notebook shut, looking at me. "What's going on?"

"Hi, my name is Leah, and I've got guy troubles." I take a cushion and clutch it to my chest, sitting on the couch beside her.

Taryn turns to me, sighing. "What are you gonna do?"

"Wait until my exams are over in a week and talk to Nash. He's super busy this week, and we weren't going to meet, anyway."

"And the...you know, pierced one?"

I grip the cushion tighter. "I can't. I'm not going to break up with Nash so I can get back together with Brian. I think it'll do me lots of good to be alone for a while. In all honesty, I should've done that instead of getting together with a good guy who deserves better and breaking his heart. Nash is a wonderful person, and if my heart had really been free, I would have fallen for him. I want someone to fall for him and make him happy."

Taryn's sympathetic gaze lands on my face. "You're right. I feel sorry for Nash, but it's for the best. You need to give him a chance to be loved."

"I feel awful, Taryn," I whisper. "And maybe most girls would run straight to the ex, but I can't. I know he's sorry, but it's been nine months. He disappeared, and now he expects me to forget it happened. I'm not going to tell Nash about him, either. If they get along fine, I don't want them to have problems because of me."

"You made the right decision," Taryn says, giving me a reassuring smile. "I'm here for you if you need me."

"Thanks," I reply quietly.

My heart aches for both Brian and Nash. I want Nash to find a good girl, and I want Brian to make up with his best friend.

But for now, I shove everything but my studies to the back of my mind so I can finish my first year with good grades.

***

A week later, my exams are over. I exit the library after my last shift this school year. The evening is warm, but they promised rain later.

I'm happy with my results and I feel accomplished, but there's a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Tomorrow, I'm going to talk to Nash and end our brief relationship. I swallow several times in a row to get rid of the bitter taste of the words I have yet to say.

"Leah."

My heart does a flip at the sound of Brian's deep voice. I halt and see him standing to the side of the library building, wearing his signature leather jacket. He must have been waiting for me.

"Hey, Brian," I say, trying to infuse some confidence in my voice.

"Hi. How are you?"

"Good," I whisper. "My exams are over."

"You nailed them, am I right?"

I clutch the strap of my oversized purse. "Yeah. I studied a lot, so it wasn't that hard."

Brian nods. Then, he traps his bottom lip between his teeth and looks at the ground before his gaze travels up my body and rests on my face.

"I gave you space," he says. "I would've achieved nothing by pushing, but I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend I stopped thinking about you."

"Don't," I say meekly. I don't want to hear those words, not when I made up my mind.

"That's the truth," Brian goes on, ignoring my weak protest. "I think about you all the time. I'm going crazy because I can't come up with the words that'd make you forgive me. I feel like no matter what I say, it's not enough, and it..." He groans. "Damn it, Leah, don't lie to yourself."

I curl my hands into fists. Now he's trying to blame me? "Lie to myself? See, that's why I'm not running back to you. You think you can get away with anything. You think you can hurt me and disappear, and I'll forget it all the moment you're back just because we have a history together."

"I don't," Brian raises his voice. "That's a lie. I know I hurt you. I know I was wrong. But I also know that I'm not crazy. That kiss at the hospital? That's not how people kiss when they don't care about each other. And that is why you need to be honest and tell Nash the truth."

Brian's chest rises and falls fast. My breathing is ragged, too, and my hands are shaking.

A rain droplet lands on my face, and it's strangely fitting because all I want to do is cry.

"Tell him the truth so you can hurt me again?" I ask.

Brian shakes his head. "Tell him the truth so I can make it right without hurting a guy who doesn't deserve it."

"You made the decision for me, Brian. You didn't care about my feelings. You can't take those months away. You can't make me forget how you left me and how much you hurt me."

The rain falls harder. It's dark, and the earlier warmth is gone. I shiver, hugging myself.

"You don't love him," Brian says. "You don't love him; I know you don't. You can lie, but I know that despite your hurt, you still care. And I'm not full of myself. I'm desperate because no matter what I say, I can't get through to you. You listen, but you don't hear me."

My mouth opens and closes. I want to say something to make him believe I don't care anymore, but it's a lie. He's right, but it doesn't fix what he broke.

Before I muster the courage to speak, Brian gets down on his knees in front of me.

"Forgive me," he chokes out. "Or at least say you'll think about it."

"Get up," I cry, breaking on the inside. I hate Brian's wet cheeks and the vulnerability of the position he's in.

He shakes his head, stubborn as only he can be. "That's me begging. Please. Please, listen to me. Let me make it right. You're the only one I've ever loved. I—"

"I'm so fucking stupid."

Brian freezes, and so do I.

Nash is standing under a streetlight with pain etched into his expression, taking in the sight of Brian on his knees in front of me.

"Fuck," Brian scrambles to his feet and takes a step toward Nash.

"Don't," Nash grits through his teeth. "Don't get closer if you don't want me to punch your fucking face."

He turns around and starts to walk away.

"Nash!" I yell.

"Don't," Brian. "Let me talk to him. It's because of me."

"It is," I say, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "It's because of you, but you've already done enough."