Leah Mitchell isn't the same shy, poor girl anymore. Now a college student, she is enjoying her life in the city and the freedom she longed for. She works hard and knows her worth. She has it all, but her heart aches for the only person from her pas...
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Baby,
I guess you already know where I am from the stamp. Although I didn't put my name on the envelope, I'm sure you know it's me.
I'm shit with words. I never know what to say, and when I do say something, it turns out to be just another fuckup to add to the long list.
This time, Diego convinced me to write a letter (I'll tell you about him later). He says something written by hand shows I care way more than a text. I hope he's right.
I wanted to call you. The fear of you hanging up on me is the only reason I didn't. I hope you read this letter, but I guess I can't be mad if you decide to throw it away.
I joined a non-profit that helps people in the areas hit by natural disasters all over the world. I met the guy who offered me the job at the garage once. I wasn't going to take it, Kitten. I never thought I would go away. I never wanted to leave you. Please, believe me.
The guilt is eating me alive. I see Mac's scared face every time I try to sleep. I take my pills religiously because I promised Jim I would.
Yes, Jim knows, but don't be mad at him. I told him to keep quiet because I'm going to be away for nine months, and you deserve to go to college without worrying about me. I know leaving the way I did was the worst thing I could have done to you. It broke me to do it. Making love to you for the last time broke me. You probably don't believe me, but it's true. I needed to do something if I didn't want the repeat of what happened when I turned eighteen. I would like to tell you those thoughts don't appear in my mind anymore, but it's a lie. It's unfair to let you nurse my wounds and focus on me when you should think about yourself. College is your dream, and I wouldn't forgive myself if you gave up on it because of me.
I want to get better, baby. I want to figure out a way to become someone better for you and me both. I know Mac woke up, and it's the only thing that makes me feel slightly less guilty.
I'm not an idiot, at least not entirely. What I did was shitty, but if you'd known I was leaving, I wouldn't have left at all. I wouldn't have been able to if that meant saying goodbye to you in person. That's how big of a coward I am. It baffles me that you could feel something for me at all.
Please, forgive me. Forgive me for what I'd done. I meant what I wrote in that note—I love you. To be honest, I always have, but I was too scared and too immature to admit it. I was afraid of having my heart permanently tied to someone else's, but guess what? It happened anyway.
I think I started to fall for you that night at the cabin. Seeing you like that, sassy and beautiful, saying my kisses were average...you blew my mind, and you did it every time. Every second and minute of every day.
The selfish side of me is begging you to wait for me. I know nine months is a long time. I know you don't deserve it. But maybe, just maybe, if you love me just a little, you could give me a chance to do what I have to and return to you being someone you would be proud of.
