No Rain, No Flowers

Chapter 10 The New Normal

The next day, I invited Jack over. I wasn't trying to bring anyone into Lizzy's life so after she went to sleep, we hung out on the couch watching TV. All of a sudden, the bedroom door opened, and Lizzy came out. "Mommy, who is that?" she asked. "This is Jack, honey..." She looked at him for a few seconds and said "He's brown..." I spit and Jack started laughing hysterically. "Lizzy! Honey, that's not very nice..." I turned to Jack. "I swear, we aren't racist. I didn't teach her to call people brown, nor did her father..." Lizzy came over and climbed right up between us. I looked down at my daughter who was normally very skittish around people, especially men. She had her hand resting on his leg and leaned into him.

I fought back tears as the three of us sat there. About twenty minutes later, I pulled Lizzy into my lap and hugged her. "Alright honey... It's time to go back to bed..." I stood and walked her into the room looking back to Jack who was watching me intently. "I am just going to lay her back down. Are you cool to hang out till I am done?" I didn't want him to feel obligated to stay. "Absolutely..." he said. "Take your time." It took me a matter of minutes to put Lizzy back to sleep in her bed and I headed back out to keep Jack company on the couch. I slid in right next to him, a lot closer than I was when Lizzy came out. He wrapped his arm around me, and I just laid my head on his shoulder and sighed. I needed this. Forever.

Christian picked Lizzy up the next morning and was visually upset with me. Not mad but acting super loving and sad. "Why didn't you call me on my birthday?" he asked. His birthday was the same day that I went on my first date with Jack. I was the first person to post on his social media happy birthday, but he had said he was off, and I didn't want things to be weird if I called and Kelly was there which I knew she would be. I talked my way around everything and even though he was better by the time he left, but I could tell he was still kind of upset. I think he felt me slipping away. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do though. I had been telling him that I wasn't feeling us anymore. I had been warning him that his efforts were dwindling and that if things didn't change, I was going to be moving on with my life. I guess after almost 20 years of me being obsessed with him, he didn't take my warnings seriously.

I felt terrible but not. It was the most conflicting feeling I'd ever had. I loved Christian. I always would. But I was falling for Jack. The problem was, I wasn't certain Jack felt the same way. The next day, I had a date with Ivan planned. Jack knew all about it. He'd stopped by the house after he went to the gym and it turned out that he had plans that night too to go to the club with the girl he'd had the kissing session with. I was cleaning out my car as we stood there talking. The thing was, talking with Jack was the easiest thing I had ever done. We got along so well. Still we laughed constantly. He was just as crazy and stupid as I was. We'd get started on a topic and we'd just roll with it until minutes later and we were breathless from laughing so much. It made me realize that all the laughter I thought I had shared with Christian was mostly forced. I found myself questioning everything. Finding out that for almost twenty years, I had been lying to myself. Clinging to a childhood crush that went on twenty years longer than it should have.

I met up with Ivan who had asked me last minute what color I was wearing. I was wearing a purple and black leopard print shirt that had slits in the sleeves and a drop waist peplum cut. Ivan had gone out and gotten himself a purple shirt as well, except he chose a soft lavender color. I saw what he was trying to do, but it just didn't work. Jack was texting me still which was a good sign because it was about time for him to go to the club with his ex. Ivan had to have known something was up because once again, I was texting constantly.

I had excused myself to the bathroom when Jack told me he wasn't going to the club after all. A few of his buddies had "kidnapped" him and he was being held hostage at TGI Fridays. "I wish you were here..." he said to me. "Give me an hour." I said. "Are you serious??" he responded. "What about your date?" "I mean, you're pretty much on this date with us anyway... So... Do you want me to meet up with you or not?" "Yes please." He responded immediately.