Mine To Love (manxman)

14-All Good Things Must Come To An End

JEREMY

I took a deep breath before knocking on Frankie's front door. I'd taken a grand total of three hours to compose myself for this. I hadn't cried enough to ease the pain in my heart but I had to do this before my twenty four hours was up. After a quick shower to wash away my tears, I'd dried myself off and dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a long sleeved sweater. I didn't need to dress to impress this time and to be perfectly honest I was too distressed to be worried about my appearance.

Frankie opened the door before I'd finished knocking and I watched his handsome face break into a smile. "I'm so glad you're here." He pulled me into his embrace and I had to force myself to stiffen in his arms. I needed to stay strong, if I gave into my body's reactions to him then I would never be able to get through this.

He pulled back, his hands on my shoulders and frowned at me, "What's wrong? I tried to call you but it kept going to your mailbox."

I avoided eye contact with him and brushed passed him into the living room. No way was going to tell him what I'd come here to say on his doorstep. We needed privacy for this. "I must have turned it off when I was at the hospital. My dad had a minor accident, he's all stitched up and being overdosed on TLC by my mother as we speak." I hated lying to him, my phone hadn't been switched off until I'd spoken to Deb. I knew it was only a matter of time before Frankie had tried to call me and I needed to buy myself more time. But now I was out of time and I still needed - no, wanted - more time.

"Why didn't you call me, I would have been there for you?"

He steeped closer to me and I quickly moved away to the kitchen. I pulled open the refrigerator door and welcomed the cool blast of air from inside. "It wasn't anything serious, it was just a deep cut on his arm." I grabbed a bottle of water and drank half the bottle in an effort to buy more time, always more time.

Frankie surprised me by spinning me around to face him and slammed the refrigerator door closed. "Talk to me, I can tell that there's something wrong."

"Back off." I pushed him away. I couldn't be that close to him and not cave in to my feelings. "I can't do this Frankie." My eyes stayed on a point in the middle of his chest. "I thought this was what I wanted." I felt my throat beginning to close and fought against the sting of tears. "I thought I wanted to be with you, but I can't."

I forced my gaze upward and saw the unspoken questions and pain written across his face. He was searching my carefully composed expressions for something I couldn't give him. I hated to see that look on his face, I hated myself for putting it there.

"What the Hell are you saying?" He sounded hurt and furious and I couldn't blame him. I was feeling that too. I wanted so much to reach out and touch him. To wipe away that furrow between his brows and kiss away the pain. I wanted...

I looked away, over his shoulder and twisted the cap onto the bottle still in my trembling hand. "I'm saying that it's over Frankie. We're over." I clarified.

In seconds he had me pushed back against the refrigerator and his face was a breath away from my own. "No." He growled. "You were here this morning, you were in my bed telling me how much you love me. You had your fucking dick up my ass and you were loving it. Don't give me this bullshit about us being done, I don't buy it."

He slammed his open palm against the cold surface beside my head making me flinch. I'd never seen him like this. Not once had I ever thought that Frankie could hurt me but I suddenly found myself frightened by his reaction.

"You don't need to buy it. I'm leaving, we're through." I tried to push him away, I needed to put some distance between us. I had to find a way to make him hate me because it didn't seem he'd give up on us. My heart rejoiced at that but I knew deep down inside me that this was what was best for him. I had to push him away. "I've found someone else. I know I've chased you for years but, it turns out the chase was a lot more fun than capturing you."

My head snapped back with the force of the blow I'd expected to get. I was being cruel and it was killing me.

"You need to go before I do something that you'll regret." He spat between clenched teeth. He wasn't even looking at me now and I knew that I'd done just what I'd set out to do. I'd effectively killed our relationship. I knew we couldn't even be friends after this and in a way that was a good thing. I couldn't watch him being with Deb again, especially with a child. It would eat away at me like a flesh eating disease and corrode the last piece of my heart.

As I passed the small side table in his entry way I saw the framed picture of us. He'd placed it there only three days earlier. We were sitting side by side at the poker table and Frankie had his arm wrapped around my shoulders, his lips against my cheek and I was smiling brighter than I ever think I had before. I saved the image in my mind, certain that I would never see that smile again. I would never be that happy again.

"Goodbye." I whispered. He wouldn't hear me, I barely heard me.

I lasted until I reached the end of his driveway, then I broke apart. I was thankful that it was dark and there was no one to see the mess I had become. I wiped my sleeve across my face, drying the mess of tears and snot and walked home on auto pilot. I couldn't remember the walk home, or what I saw on the way. I was numb and I just wanted to curl up and cease to exist.

The world suddenly seemed a much darker place and I hated it, hated myself for what I had made it become.

My phone was ringing when I opened my front door but I let it ring. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now and if it was important I was sure they'd leave a message. I heard the machine beep as I stripped my clothes away and continued on to my bedroom. I tuned out the voice speaking to my machine and collapsed face first onto the unmade bed.

It was bright when I next opened my eyes and I groaned as the light pierced my eyes. I had neglected to close the blinds before I'd crashed out last night. As I buried my head in a pillow that carried Frankie's masculine scent the memories of what had occurred the previous day crashed upon me. I found myself struggling to breathe and flopped onto my back, one hand rubbing my chest where a dull throbbing ache was radiating outward.

What had I done?

I knew it was for the best, I really did. I had to keep telling myself that. It was for the best. But it hurt like nothing I'd ever known before. A gut wrenching sob tore through me and I curled around myself once more. I didn't know what day or time it was. I didn't know if I was supposed to be in work right now, but I couldn't bring myself to care either.

I'd lost the only man I would ever love and it was my own doing.