Mine To Love (manxman)

9-Avoidance 101

FRANKIE

Jer was avoiding me. It had been almost a week since I'd talked to him about my break-up and I hadn't seen him since. He'd left messages on my machine cancelling plans we'd made by giving the most feeble of excuses, at times when he knew I wouldn't be able to answer my phone. I'd gone to his apartment and let myself in with my key. I could have sworn I'd heard him moving around inside but he was no place to be found. His bedroom window was left open a crack leading me to believe that he'd slipped down the fire escape. It all seemed a little extreme to me. If he didn't return my feelings I could understand, I would be crushed, but I'd understand. He didn't need to dodge me at every opportunity and let my calls ring out until the machine picked up.

With a heavy sigh I left work. It was a horrible day, the rain was coming down at an alarming rate and the clouds overhead were almost black and angry looking. A storm was coming in.

How poetic of nature.

I looked at my cell phone when I finally reached my car and sat behind the wheel. I had one missed call and a voice message. I pushed the number to get my message and listened to an obviously rehearsed excuse from Jeremy: I'm not going to make it to poker night tomorrow. I have to...um...I have to go away for this work thing. Tell the guys I'm sorry. I'll...I'll call you when I can. Um...bye.

With a frustrated growl I threw my phone onto the passenger seat and backed out of my space. I was sick of these stupid games. We'd always been able to talk about everything, why couldn't he talk to me now? I wanted to believe that things hadn't changed. But they had. I'd changed things between us and I'd been foolish in my haste, I hadn't thought it through.

Oh I'd thought about what a relationship with another man would be like. I knew what would happen when we became intimate. A part of me was scared beyond reason, but a bigger part of me thrilled at the thought of being with Jeremy. I couldn't picture ever being with another man like that. Did that mean I wasn't gay? I didn't really know. I'd watched gay porn to find out the basic mechanics, I didn't want to look like a complete fool in front of Jeremy when we made love, if we made love.

Ugh!!

I pulled into my driveway and killed the engine, dropping my head to the steering wheel in frustration and nearly jumped out of my skin when my car horn blared. I looked around red-faced to see if anyone was looking in my direction and let out a sigh of relief when I saw no one around.

My house was silent when I entered and slipped off my shoes. I hung up my coat and headed to the kitchen to see what was in my refrigerator. Five minutes later I was calling for a Chinese food delivery. I really needed to go to the grocery store. I decided to take tomorrow off and go shopping. If the cupboards were bare when the guys came for poker night there would be hell to pay.

I carried the phone handset into the living room and sat on the sofa while I waited for the call to connect.

Hi this is Jeremy Powers, you know the drill. When the machine beeps, you talk. I'll get back to you when I can.

I rolled my eyes at having to talk to his machine, again. "Jer, answer the damn phone. I'm sick of these games. Talk to me. You know I don't want things to be like this for us, I...I need to talk to you, please?" I waited a few minutes in the hope that he would pick up, but he didn't. I hung up with a heavy heart and went to change out of my suit. When the doorbell rang I ran to answer it. I'd stupidly forgotten about my takeout order and thought it could be Jeremy.

I ate my meal in front of the TV but I didn't taste it. It sat heavily in my roiling stomach. I missed Jer, he normally came over after work and we'd eat together. He'd bring over a tub of ice cream or a cake from the bakery near his apartment for dessert. He always managed to get a little blob of cream on the end of his nose, it was adorable. Then he'd wipe it off with his finger and suck the cream off into his mouth.

Oh, God. I had to stop thinking of things like that.

JEREMY

"Jer, answer the damn phone. I'm sick of these games. Talk to me. You know I don't want things to be like this for us, I...I need to talk to you, please?"

I held my breath as I waited for Frankie to disconnect the call. I hated this. I hated not seeing him, not being able to talk to him, but as much as this was torturing me I knew it would be even more torturous to see him with someone else.

I finally heard the click as he hung up the phone and I collapsed onto my sofa. Tears fell unchecked from my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I felt broken. I could barely catch my breath as great sobs racked through me and tore from my throat. It was finally sinking in that Frankie was gone. He was someone else's and I no longer stood even a glimmer of a chance with him. Not that I ever really did.

"Jeremy?" My sister came into blurry view in front of me and crouched down to look into my face. "Oh, God, honey what's wrong?" She pulled me to her and cradled my head against the side of her neck.

"He's gone." I managed to get out between sobs. "He loves someone else."

She pulled back slightly and I saw the realization hit her. "Frankie?" She asked gently.

I could only nod in reply as a fresh river of tears erupted. She pulled me back to her. "Sweetheart, you knew this day would come. He's straight, always has been."

I clung to my sister breathing in her familiar comforting scent and tried to calm myself enough to respond.

"I know. I tried to stop feeling this way. I really tried, Sam." I screwed my eyes shut against the pain, failing miserably as a sharp arrow pierced through my heart. "I can't make it stop, please Sam, make it stop." My hands dug into her slender shoulders as I broke apart in her arms. I didn't want to feel this way anymore, to love someone who was oblivious to my affections was wearing me down. For years I'd tried to get over him. I'd tried to find someone else but that only served as a temporary distraction and seemed to make me feel a hundred times worse when I realized how I was using the other person.

"I wish I could Jeremy." She smoothed a hand over my hair and rocked us slightly. "Are you sure he's found someone. It's not that obnoxious woman that was threatening you, is it?" Her voice turned hard as she spoke of Deb and I couldn't help but smile slightly at my sisters protectiveness.

"No, he told her he loved someone else and broke up with her. He loves someone else Sam. I-I" I didn't know how to fully explain what I was feeling because I was feeling so many different emotions, hurt, anger, betrayal, the list was endless.

"Okay, so it's not the succubus. Did he say who it was?" She asked.

I shook my head, no. "I didn't wait to find out, I just gave him a pathetic excuse and ran away."

"When was that?"

I sniffled and wiped at my running nose. "Last Thursday night."

She looked at me with a shocked expression. "And you haven't seen or spoken to him since? But you guys see each other every day."

I blushed and looked away from her. "I couldn't face him after that. I've been ditching his calls and ringing his voice mail service. He...um...he came by but I went down the fire escape. Ow!" I flinched as a small hand wacked across my cheek. "What the Hell?"

"You bloody fool." Sam spat at me. "You're acting like a spoiled three year old. Man up and talk to him." She stood and made her way over to my small kitchen that sat to one side of my living room. I watched her open presses and look in the refrigerator. "You have nothing to eat in this place, you really need to go shopping. I'll order us a takeout and then we're going to have a long chat about your next move." I knew there was no point in arguing with my sister, she was a force to be reckoned with when she was this determined. I just nodded my head in surrender and pointed her towards the takeout menus.

###

A/N Hi everyone I hope you're all having a good weekend. In chapter 11 there will be a naughty scene ;D I've decided not to make it private. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll get the next one up hopefully tomorrow.