Fleur-de-lis

Reflect

John's p.o.v.

I push open the door to our apartment. Today was a great day...one I fought long and hard for. I'd finally trained enough to officially work under luca as a civil engineer which meant lots of money and smoother sailing for the future.

"Guess what, little brother?" I ask Van who was up, cooking dinner.

He was still torn up about his experience a month ago now but had gotten to a point where he wasn't spending all of his time in bed. In fact, he'd quickly picked up on several house wife habits and skills. Part of me was glad that he was doing something productive but another part of me feared that it was just a distraction from his psychological trauma.

"Hmm?" Van questions.

"I'm finally officially employed." I state.

"That's awesome." Van smiles.

"Who'd've ever thought I'd end up working such a white collar job." I say, very proud of myself.

"Considering that you applied to be a stripper at one point..." Van jokes.

"Yeah, okay, smart-mouth." I kiss Van on the forehead who smiles warmly.

Then...maybe it was desperation or perhaps a laps in judgment but I try to steal another kiss. I was in a good mood and so much of my hard work had paid off. I just...wanted to so badly but Vanitas pulls away from me, his cheery demeanor vanishing in an instant.

"I...I'm sorry, Van."

"I know." Vanitas replies sullenly before returning his attention to the meal he was preparing.

This fucking sucked. I wanted Van so bad but James put a massive fucking rift between us and I can't do anything about it. I can't be happy for myself or at all until Van felt like himself again. I just want to see him genuinely smile again. And I miss seeing his desperate need for subjugation.

I go to sit on the bed and just sulk into my palms.

"Van." I say. "I'm not trying rush you but it's been a month...and I'm not sure if you're getting better or worse. I wish you would talk to me about how you're feeling so I could at least try to help."

There's a long drawn out silence before Van replies. "It'll help if you could just...keep your distance for a while."

That was the last thing I wanted to hear.

"Van, you're gonna have to give me more than that." I say. "I can't just do nothing and wait. That asshole only went after you because he couldn't have me and..." I sigh heavily.

"It's not your fault, John." Van assures.

"It feels like it is." I say, falling back onto the bed. "The Manning community church." I say to myself. "I'd burn that place to the ground if that'd change anything."

I don't know why but the room suddenly fills with an intense aura of violence and cold. I look up at Van and the feeling vanishes just that fast.

"Just give me some more time." Van says, his words laced with depression.

"Y-yeah. I'll try." I reply, briefly questioning what feeling was before.