his sapphire • anthony bridgerton

fourty-nine • her eyes

*mentions of miscarriage*

•••
"strangely quiet, but now the storm simply rests to strike again.

Standing, waiting, I think of her."
•••

Aubrey Hall, November 1814

Checking his pocket watch, Anthony eagerly left to join his family within the dining room. He had been late to dinner every day this week, and Nola was starting to feel nervous- always thinking too deeply into things.

His number one priority had always been assuring she never overanalyzed a situation, but with his decaying mental health, he had barely been present recently.

Nola feared his priority's have changed, taking over the ideals of every other man in England. Meaning, she was now only a burden.

Truly, she did not believe that to be true, but she missed him. With Christmas only days away, she wanted to share the excitement of their daughters first with her husband.

Simon looked to his cousin cautiously, "Nola?" He broke her out of her intense thought process, "are you alright?"

"Why would I not be?" She gave a small smile, but Simon seemed to read right through her.

Giving her a questionable glance, Anthony's sudden arrival broke everyone's attention to the door. "Sorry I am late."

Simon noticed the girls eye roll, balancing the baby on her thigh.

The child's face lit up, catching glimpse of her father for the first time that day. Anthony had seemed to notice Nola's dismissal, and he knew he deserved it.

Giving a gentle smile to his daughter, Anthony forced his family to restart their conversations, not wishing to answer any questions. "How was your day?" He asked his wife, only receiving a nod in response. "Nola?"

"I will be back in a moment." She announced to the table, "A needs to eat." Violet excused her, and Anthony glared at her figure retreating to their bedroom.

He threw his napkin at the table, standing up and rushing to the door. Ignoring his mother's calls, he entered the bedroom. "What was that?"

Nola huffed, "what right do you have to dismiss us?" His eyes narrowed, pressing her to continue. "You have not looked upon your child all day, my lord."

"I was busy."

"That never had mattered before." She fought, clearly beginning to aggravate him more. "I was expecting attitudes to change at some point."

"Nola-"

"No, Anthony." She cut him off, tears beginning to build up in the corner of her eyes. "Do you have any idea how it feels? To be forgotten."

"I did not forget you."

"Then what would you call this." She motioned between them, clearly becoming frustrated. "Anthony- your duty in life was to get married, have children, and support your family- but I never assumed you would back off as soon as things got difficult." She choked. Truly, she knew what this was all about. Judging by his demeanor, she could tell he was pondering something constantly. "Do you not think this pains me, as well?"

"I never said that."

"Anthony-" her cries became louder, terrifying the child in her arms. "I needed you here." His eyes moved to the child, whose cries filled the room, miming her mother.

Nola instantly took the girl in her arms, trying to ease her nerves, but to no avail, only frustrating her further. "Here." He stated, extending his arms. Only giving him a glare, Nola turned away. "Nola." He begged. "Give her here."

She appeased his wishes, turning to hand him their child, who instantly seemed comforted in her fathers embrace. "Anthony, Alverie needs you."

"Nola..." he sighed, moving over to her. "I tried to be strong for you." She looked to him quizzically. "I tried to be strong for our daughter, but I cannot."

"What do you mean." Her voice was raspy from the tears, seeming to pull directly on his heartstrings.

"I do not know how to express my emotions." He admitted, "I was always taught that I am here to comfort you."

"Anthony..."

"I did not know how to seek my own source of comfort." He was admitting how he felt, and she felt terrible. Never once did she consider what he was going through as well. She thought Anthony would be able to push through- he was the one who gave her the reassuring talk to begin with. "I never meant to hurt you, Nola."

She did not wish for him to try to apologize for things he did not need to, she simply wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head in his shoulder. "Anthony, I am sorry. I should have known."

"Nola, stop." He pleaded, looking directly into the girls eyes. "From this point on," his breath was shaky, but his eyes told her he was extremely serious, "we must not speak of what happened. I beg of you."

She eagerly nodded, agreeing that it would be more sensible to the pair to move on with their lives, and forget of their losses.

A dangerous mindset, indeed, but she knew he needed this- maybe she even did, as well.