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I walked back to my dorm by myself and threw myself into my bed. What the actually fuck just happened? Did I just kiss Sirius? In front of Olivia? The better question was did I actually enjoy it? No, I couldn't have. It's Sirius, I've never felt any feelings like that ever. Not even in the slightest. Then why did it feel so good? My brain hurt from all my thoughts. I grabbed my pillow, covered my face and screamed into it.
The next day, I couldn't bare to face any of them, especially Olivia and Sirius. So, I choose to not sit with them at meal times and sit with another group.
"Hey Edmund."
"Oh hey Vera what's up?"
"Is it cool if I sit with you at breakfast and lunch? If not it's totally fine I was just trying to avoid sitting by myself so people don't try and come up to me." He looks at me totally shocked. I knew it was a bad idea. I start to walk away before.
"Wait! Vera hold on!" I look back at him, "Yea of course you can. I was going to get breakfast right now actually want to come?" I knew that everyone was probably just about to leave the great hall right about now.
"Oh um, sure."
"Great." He picks up his bag from the ground and we start to walk that way.
"So can I ask why you are choosing to sit with me and not your friends?"
"Uh it's sorta complicated."
"Are you just avoiding them?"
"Sorta of yea." I really don't want to tell him what happened. I just hate explaining things, especially to people I barely know.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
We make it to the great hall and we sit down. I greet myself to a few of his friends at the Ravenclaw table before reaching to grab some food. I glance up at the Gryffindor table to see everyone staring at me. I turn and start making conversation to Edmund.
When the bells starting ringing. I heard Lily and Olivia call my name but I sped into the crowd of people heading off the class. I hear them getting to close so I duck into a empty classroom and wait it out for a few minutes. If I thought this was hard, I wouldn't have guessed what the next couple of weeks were going to be like.
The next couple of weeks were indeed hard. I still felt so uncomfortable being around Olivia and Sirius so I did everything in my power to avoid them which was hard considering, she was my dorm mate. Meal times were spent sitting quietly at the Ravenclaw table with Edmunds friends. I would always see James try to talk to me but I would run off to class before he could speak to me. Before anyone could speak to me. It was easy to avoid them in the day since we usually got a lot of work. I would always see Olivia and Sirius walking in the halls or talking at meals and I would smile at them. My distance is helping bring them together.
At night, I would close the curtains around my bed and pretend to be asleep when Olivia would open the curtains to talk to me. I felt guilty for not speaking to her but, it was better this way. I usually spent my time in a hidden room filled with muggle instruments on the west side of the castle. I'm not the best at playing but, I love it regardless. Drums were good for when I was angry, guitar was good for when I was sad and singing was for whenever I pleased. Music made me feel whole and more human. It was hard to describe but music was how I chose to cope with things.
No matter how hard I would run away from them, classes became a problem especially one day in potions, "Ok class, today I need you all to group together in groups of 5 to present a potion any potion in the textbook. You and your group will need to write a 3 inch paper on the potion and then actually brew the potion. Go get into your groups." Oh shit. I stay in my seat as Olivia, Remus, Sirius and James all gather together. I think if I wait behind, some random group of people will not have an extra member, and then I can join a group.
Almost 2 minutes had past, and it seemed everyone had a full group. I decided to walk over to Professor Slughorn to see if I can work alone. As I do, a familiar voice calls out to me.
"Hey V." Only one person calls me V. I turn around to see Remus, standing before me.
"Oh um, hey Remus." He chuckles at me.
"No Rem? I'm hurt V. Hurt." He spits out fake cry's and I laugh. "Why don't you come work with us? You don't seem to have a group." He says looking around at the people who are not there.
"Oh um, I don't know if that's a good idea. I haven't talked to anyone in a while." He looks at me sympathetically.
"V I'm gonna be honest, I'm not sure why you were ignoring us but we just want you around us again so just come work with us yea?" I look behind him to see everyone staring at us. The saddened looks on their faces said it all.
"Ok fine." I pick up my stuff and head over to their work station. I sit myself down next to James and Remus.
"It's good to have you back Vera."
"It's good to be back."
After class Olivia suggested we go back to our dorm to talk about things, and I couldn't agree more. We make our way back to the dorm and when we do, I throw my bag down and play music. It always helped relieve tension. She comes over to my bed and looks at me.
"Olivia, I'm so sorry for everything. I really didn't want to kiss Sirius and I shouldn't have just avoided you." She gives me a sympathetic look and brings me in for a hug.
"It's ok I know how you get sometimes Vera I'm just glad I have you back besides, it oddly worked out. I've been talking to him more and I think I'm going to ask him out for butterbeer tomorrow." I look at her wide eyed. Wow, I'm surprised they have gotten so close so fast.
"Wow Liv, I'm happy for you really." I rub her shoulder and she smiles.
"I need a favor tho, I get kinda nervous being alone with him so can you I don't know getadateandcomewithus?" I stare at her in confusion.
"I'm sorry what the fuck did you just say?" She takes a deep breath.
"Can you come with us with a date so it's a double date?" Double date? I can't get a date. Just as I am about to say no I think about the past couple weeks and how much of an ass I've been. If I say no, I will just hurt her more.
"Ok fine, I'll find a date after you ask him."
"Ok deal."
AN// I'm sorry this chapter is shorter but the next will be longer I promise also can we appreciate that diana silvers gif? she is so pretty it is unreal.Thank you so much for almost 230 reads that insane! remember to comment and vote!- Ren
