Deep in the thoughts

Emotions

I hate everyone. Everyone including myself because I am angry. What makes me angry? When I am not given the space and air that I crave at a point every day. But this is never possible when you are a part of a family, especially a family with no boundaries, respect, and personal space.

If you are a pushover then you are screwed. You are fucked. You are about to do everything and anything for them whether you like it or not. I wish I could speak my mind out in a calm way. I store every bit of information until the pressure increases and you hear that sound of a pressure cooker.

While I write my anger is at the level of code red. I can burst at anyone and anywhere. I have no emotion at that moment but later I find it hard to make up with that certain person. You call it an anger management issue but it's an introduction to my definition of tears.

Sometimes I wish I could run away from everything. But I know I need to gain every ounce of the facilities until I can say, "It's enough. I am moving to my own apartment." But I also fail to live up to this thought. It's hard to run away, it's hard to endure so it comes to self-harm.

I am angry most when I am no more on the list of priorities. I am angry the most when I am at the top of that list. I want a little of everything but not all of everything.

Love is toxic to me even if it's from my own family. That love includes so many emotions that always make me confused and doubtful. I have to give something in return and I am definitely not the type to give love to anyone. This is one of the reasons I am good at being alone.

I really need people to understand what they should really do when they are with me. If it's family, fucking provide me with the basic needs that I need so that I don't have to feel guilty just to breathe the same air as you. If it's friend fucking mind your own business unless I ask you to. If it's some stupid love thing, understand and buzz off because I really don't need you to see me lashing out everywhere.

If you are angry go express your anger because making it a part of you is not one of the great ideas you can have. Just let the cold wind slap your face and snatch away all the anger away. Tell the people how selfish or jerk they are because they deserve their kindness in return too.