Crime Recorded

Problems Lead To Destruction

Sometimes if we see something from outside, it appears great, but from inside it is not, from inside it maybe just the opposite. Most of the people fake their lives on social media, making it look amazing and splendid from the outside, whereas it is empty and problematic on the inside.

There are also people who don't post on social media everything, but show the same thing to the outside world in real life, they make it seem like they have the most perfect life which people may envy, but from inside, the reality is the total opposite. Their life is a kinda mess. And there is nothing to envy about that.

I finally decided to discuss with Josh about our relationship, what's it's missing and everything that it should include but they are just absent. It's been three months since I expressed my concerns and views about our relationship, and since then it has only caused problems and arguments. Maybe sometimes to touch an issue is to mess it more in a greater scale. So what is to be done? Leave it what it is? Is it the right thing to do?

There is some time left for Josh to arrive at home today, I went into the bathroom and filled up the tub. I immersed myself into the water and closed my eyes, I tried to gain a sense of peace and strength. I lied there for sometime, and then washed myself properly.

I came out of the bathroom and then dried myself. Then I came to the kitchen and sat on a chair with my head and arms lying on the kitchen table, I took a moment to take a deep breath. I wondered what to make for dinner. I glanced over at the clock, it's 6:15 pm, Josh should be here within 15 minutes. I started to cut some veggies and fruits for making salad. And started to wonder what would have happened if I took different choices? What if Josh and I didn't get married? What if I had chosen a different career and lifestyle? What if I had taken the time to decide what I love? What if I had explored my talents and qualities?

I heard the main door of our apartment open when I was thinking about these stuffs. Josh came in and kept his bag on a chair. Then he faced me with a seemingly genuine face.

"Hey," said he casually looking at me then on his clothes like he really needs to change his sweaty clothes.

"Hey," said I looking at him, then looking at the veggies that I was cutting."You should go change I think," said I glancing at him for a moment.

"Yeah, I agree," said he as he walked into the bedroom and and took his clothes out from the closet.

I started to cook the veggies after slicing them. I heard the water filling on the tub as I think he was preparing to take a bath.

After fifteen minutes, he came out of the bathroom, and got ready. He came to the kitchen and stood beside me leaning on the table.

"May I help you?" asked him looking at him.

"Yeah, sure," said I glancing slowly up at him.

I had almost finished cooking at that moment. He helped me plating the salads. I covered the salads and put them on one side of the table.

We both then came and sat on two chairs in the dining room beside the kitchen. I sighed and then lifted my eyes to him. Josh had a genuine look on his face, he always just seems genuine.

"How was your day?" asked Josh breaking the silence.

"It was okay, kinda normal," said I with my hands on my head and my  elbow resting on the table. "What about you?"

"Same here actually," said Josh with a bit smile on his face.

"Do you think our connection is kinda lost?" asked I somehow finally. I didn't want to talk about the issue as I knew it will cause more problems and arguments, but you can't really neglect a problem, right? You can't leave it as it is, you have to come to a solution.

"Maybe," said Josh looking at the table with a bit upset face or maybe disappointed face? "You really want to talk about it again?" asked Josh glancing at me and then looking at the table again.

" You know why I want to talk about it, right? I have a genuine reason. This is my- our life Josh, if we have a problem, I definitely want to solve that,"

"Yeah, it's your life," said Josh nodding. "It is only you, isn't it? You have always wanted a perfect life," said Josh before sighing. "But you need to know that there's nothing like a perfect life, darling."

"But why live without connection? Why not discuss about it? Why not do something that can fix it? Why not talk about what's our relationship lacking, and try to have those in our relationship?"

"What is our relationship lacking?" asked Josh looking at me expecting me to answer.

"You know it Josh, don't you? It lacks passion."

"And is it compulsory to have passion in every relationship? Do all the relationships in our planets have passion?", asked Josh a bit loudly looking straight at me.

"Mostly all good relationships have it," said I comparatively quietly looking at him.

"All good relationships...," said Josh sighing unbelievably.

"Look Josh, why not have a bit more care and  comfort in our relationship? So that we can have some foundation of passion in our relationship? Why not have that? It is a great thing to have. And sometimes it can be a necessity too."

"When did you started to care about this? Just tell me," said Josh looking at my face.

"What do you mean by...when?" asked I being a bit confused.

"Yeah, I am asking when! Because you didn't seem to care about this at all before before marrying!"

I slightly gulped at what he said. I looked down and stayed silent for a moment. I knew I didn't care about all these before marrying, sometimes we just get so ambitious for our success and accomplishments, that we don't care about anything else. We forget everything else...Now if I think about it, what is the meaning of our relationship? Do we have love? Do we have passion? We never seemed to have passion for each other.

"Do we love each other?" I finally decided to express my thoughts to him.
"What is the meaning of our relationship? What is its foundation?"

Josh sighed at what I just said. "We do love each other. We do give comfort and try to care as much as possible!" said Josh in a tone which made me feel like he was disgusted talking about this.

Yeah, he was right, we do try to care and give comfort to each other as much as "possible". But do we really care? Is there truly any genuine care in this relationship in real?

"You don't want to talk about this right now? Should we talk about it some other time?" asked I in a more quieter tone comparatively.

"Yeah, maybe," exclaimed Josh nodding, then looking at me in a straight face.

"Yeah, I mean you should bring up the issue again and again! And we will still have no solution! What's the use of it? We will always be like this, it can't change! If we need to stay together, then we will have to stay like the same! Otherwise...I don't think we can."

For a moment, it felt like my heart became heavy. I looked at my side, and got up from the chair. I moved a bit away from the table.

"I think we should leave the topic for now," said I in a dry tone but loud enough to make him hear.

I decided to let this go for now, we had dinner as usual later and spent the night in our usual way.

Never have I ever believed in compromise whether it's my career or my marriage. Yes, I didn't talk about it with Josh before marriage, because I believed everything would be fine, I didn't know my marriage would turn out to be so dull. Guess I can't always trust myself... neither I can trust him.