Death's Captive: Will she escape eternal confinement?

CHAPTER 30

I walk through the door and down the corridor towards the nurses' station, where I can see a bustle of people crowded around the counter. Must be shift change. As I get closer and hear the chatter of a dozen nurses sharing patient handover with each other. I compare the faces of the nurses to see who looks fatigued and ready to clock off, while also considering who might be interesting to follow this morning. I've been trailing after nurses for so long I know how the morning will progress. Obs, medications, breakfast, showers and bed linens changed. The character of the nurse is what will make my day interesting.

In the corner I spot Susie chattering with an older African nurse in green scrubs whose name I can't pronounce. Susie's hands are waving about as she retells the story of her children being afflicted with gastro on a recent road trip through France. The African nurse is standing with her arms crossed over her chest, she's smiling and nodding politely while her eyes dart back and forth at the clock on the wall.

As the last of the cohort drift away down the corridors or towards the main exit, Susie finishes up her story, scoops up the patient charts off the bench and strides down the hallway. I follow after Susie, glancing behind to see the relieved nurse toddle off towards the lockers so she can finally go home after being held captive by a woman as merciless as Niklaus. I lose sight of Susie as she turns a corner and before I catch up, Reeves comes barrelling towards me in his white coat, stethoscope flailing around his neck, hands clutching a patient file. It seems like a long time since I've seen him and I come to an abrupt halt. I'm directly in his path and I don't have time to skip to one side so his solid body passes through mine.

Ordinarily, I feel nothing when something passes through me, but this time it feels like bellyflopping onto stagnant water with a shard of glass piercing my heart.

As the sharp sensation eases it's replaced with a heavy sense of guilt. I've done nothing wrong so why am I feeling this way?

I have a perplexing impression that I've cheated on Reeves.

Immediately I set to work on justifying my actions to alleviate this useless emotion. I haven't got any kind of relationship with Jason. It's just a little crush. We've kissed only once and I'm the only one who can remember it. He doesn't even know I exist.

There must be a way to ease my conscience. I'm standing in the corridor with a heavy disturbing weight inside me. Do I keep following after Susie? Or switch around towards Reeves? I wish I could apologise to him; tell him that having sex with Niklaus meant nothing to me and that I don't feel anything for him other than hatred.

But is that true?

I reflect on my intimate exchange with Niklaus, and I can't work out whether it just happened or if it was days ago. In the moment with him I did feel something. I was in awe of his ethereal beauty, looking at him made my skin hot and my body craved to be close to his. I wanted to kiss him and I was thrilled with his devotion, which satiated a bone-deep itch. At the end of it all I wanted our skin touching and limbs intertwined – but were these thoughts and feelings my own? Or were they just a welcome distraction from the endless nightmare that is my existence?

Avaline's essence is buried somewhere within me. On this plane I can revisit my soul's memories – perhaps emotions have a way of seeping through as well? Could Avaline's echo be influencing my feelings for Niklaus?

Ting.

Saved by the bell. For once my call to duty is a pleasant distraction from my own internal conflict. I close my eyes and follow the bell.