Death's Captive: Will she escape eternal confinement?

CHAPTER 12

We follow the pathway through the garden towards the old hospital. Niklaus still holds my hand and makes small caressing circles with his thumb. I release his hand and brush a few strands of loose hairs blowing in the wind behind my ear.

"Why are you here tonight?" I ask as I plunge my hands into my pockets

"I sensed that you were in distress and, since that's fairly uncommon in this tiny cage you live in, I thought I'd pop in." Niklaus walks like an old-fashioned gentleman with straight back, squared shoulders and his hands clasped behind him. Sometimes he reminds me of lusty Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, but I would never tell him that, of course.

"You can sense me?" I ask, surprised.

"Sometimes."

"Thank you." I turn to him as we walk down the pathway in the darkness. "I'm glad you were here when it happened."

In the corner of my eye I see him shrug. "You're welcome."

We come to a bench and sit. Niklaus stretches his arms out over the bench. There is some distance between us so I don't mind, and there's silence, which is also good.

I take my hands out of my pockets and put them on the wooden bench as I re-adjust my posture and cross one leg over the other. I breathe deep the scent of the night – a faint scent of Jasmine wafts through the veil.

I feel Niklaus's hand on top of mine. I withdraw my hand off the bench and put it on my lap. Niklaus moves closer, closing the gap between us.

"Please?" he asks sweetly.

I look at him he has such sadness in his eyes; it must be hard being continually rejected. I look away from him towards the old hospital. My eye traces the shadow of ivy crawling over the ancient brick facade.

"I have answers," he says. I turn to him and I feel a spark of hope – perhaps this ember could burn through the dark cloud of confusion that is my life?

"I'd be willing to trade..." he says as he slides his hand softly over mine, as it rests in my lap. I don't move.

"Trade what?" I ask, even though I feel I know the answer.

Niklaus moves his head towards my neck and I feel his lips brush my skin. I shrug out of the way. "No!" I stand. "I'm not some common whore, willing to trade sex for secrets!"

"It doesn't have to be sex." Niklaus looks directly at me, and I can sense a mixture of sadness and desperation that almost weakens me. "I just want to be close to you." He says as he stands up straight, putting his hands in his pockets.

Looking down he says, "I'm in love with you."

He looks up at me briefly for a reaction; I feel nothing, and my face probably reveals that emptiness. He is not discouraged.

"I have been since the moment I first saw you. I've loved you through every lifetime you've ever lived."

He reaches out to me and holds my shoulders with both hands as he looks into my eyes, searching for something; maybe a flicker of remembrance?

"Do you know how long it's been? How many lives you've lived while I stand idle on the sideline unable to touch you, unable to kiss you or confess how I feel? I just want to be close to you, I don't know why I can't move on from you. I feel something for you. I feel as close as I'll ever come to being alive when I'm with you, and I want you to feel something for me. Anything other than malice."

"How can I? I'm confused! I don't know what's real!" I force his hands off my shoulders. "I have fragments of memories that make no sense. But I do remember the first time I met you – that's something I'll never forget!"

I can't remember ever being so exasperated before. I grab my hair at the roots and look at him for some kind of answer. There isn't one, he just stands there. He's not angry or sad he simply looks absent. I emit a growl of agitation then turn my back on him and walk away.

He calls after me. "I can't make you love me, but I can make being closer to me more appealing. Do you really want to be here alone, tortured forever by your existence?"

In spite of myself, I find my feet stopping in their tracks.

"There's information about yourself that you can't remember and I know it bothers you. Inconsistent flickers of memories; some like they were yesterday, and others that are more distant and contradictory. It's obvious you don't love me, so bargaining with you is all I'll ever have."

I turn back around and yell. "This is fucked up; if you made me this way it's your responsibility to tell me who and what I am!"

Niklaus storms towards me and grabs my shoulders again. His face is close to mine and his eyes rage with fury.

"I'm not governed by your way of thinking, nor by your sense of morality! I will do as I please with what I know, and that includes selling it off to you for whatever I see fit." He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, and then with absolute control he says: "It is only because I respect you that I give you space and abide by your wish that I not be more intimate with you, though it kills me to do so!"

I've never seen Niklaus angry before, and he's gripping my shoulders with such ferocity that it hurts. I wince and gasp in pain. He loosens his grip and whispers, "I could have you if I wanted to. I saved your life, so now it is mine to do with what I want. I'll keep you here for an eternity if I want to."

I stand in shocked silence. My mind is whirling as I try to think of what to do.

Niklaus, seeing my distress, encircles me with his arms. My body is pressed against his; his head against mine. He sighs and I know he's enjoying being close to me, having me submissive in his arms. It baffles me how he can go from barely-controlled fury one moment, to sweet and affectionate in an instant.

With that action I realise he's never going to hate me, never going to leave me. I realise that he truly is in love with me. Though the question is why; it must be something I've forgotten. I decide then and there to push the boundaries further. How far will he let me push his love?

"You respect me?" I shove Niklaus off me. "Should I feel blessed that I've been chosen by you to be stuck somewhere in between life and death? Alone with you? I can't remember the simplest things! Like my name! Do I even have a name? Do you know what it is?"

Niklaus says nothing. He just stands there, giving away nothing.

"Of course you do!" I yell. "You know my name, don't you?"

Niklaus stands with his hands by his sides. He looks smug. Finally, he nods.

"Why won't you tell me? Why don't you tell me anything?!"

Niklaus seems completely detached from emotion. "Everything comes with a cost; it seems you're unwilling to pay at this time."

Niklaus grins a malicious smile. "Sooner or later you will pay it, unable to tolerate not knowing your past."

I blink and he is gone.