'That damn guy; the nerve of him to lead me on like that,'
Getting out of the bed, my hands lifted towards the hair in front of me and removed it upward."Gosh, out of all things that happened over the past years, this year hits different and bothersome," I mumbled.
'I mean seriously, how many people were going to aggravate me that night; gladly that shoot out happened because if I stayed longer than that, I would have bumped into...'
HIM
Standing up, I walked towards the curtain and slightly opened them so that the sunlight could peek through the room. "That perverted little stalker," I babbled out my thoughts. Twisting my body back towards the bed I slept in peacefully for the first time: and at the same time, I leaned my back against the wall that stood firmed next to the curtain.
Seriously I'm so useless....
Before I knew it, my body dropped to the ground at a slow pace. I sat there on the cold floor, staring out of space, but it only took that single, dark memory to break me.
"Mom, why do you and dad fight," I asked curiously. She looked at me with the happiest smile she ever displayed in front of me; deep inside, I knew all the smiles she showed in front of me were a front. Most likely, I felt it yet, I was so young and childish and asked that silly question when I already knew the answer to it.
But just a little, I wanted her to be upfront with me about my abusive alcoholic father. I mean, I saw it with my own two eyes every night, and sometimes I even became that hero that my mother craved for and jumped in when he whipped out his long thin belt and slashed at her.
I wanted her to run and be selfish for once. Even if she left me behind with that evil man, I would have understood the reason why....
She could have been alive.
But my mother was never the type to leave the man she made a vow to and the child she had to bear with him; if I was just a little older and braver, I could have stopped him from killing her that night.
NO....more like beating her to death like she was an animal.
Sitting in that little closet, peeking at my mother, laying down 5 inches away from me, screaming in agony, "not in front of my baby," my body trembled as her words started to pierce in the deepest part of my heart.
The scars, the blood that was everywhere, became clear and vivid to my eyesight. I couldn't watch because even at that age, I understood the smile that my mother tried to hold in front of me was a front to hide her pain. Seeing that smile almost disappearing made my hurt ache because I knew; no, I understood that she was the last person I was safe to love and trust.
So, forgetting that my mother told me to stay in the closet.
I pushed those closet doors open and, I ran towards the flying object and blocked it with my own body, "Papa no, that's enough, mommy is in enough pain if you continue, her smile will be gone so hit me instead," I declared as the paste in his hits increased.
"If that's what my daughter wishes then, I will oblige but remember you asked me to do this," he broadcasted with a smirk on his face, "as long as I get my anger out, I don't care if any of you gets hurt," he continued.
Deep inside, I was hoping that day he would have stopped, but who knew that that day my hatred to see him burn and destroy himself grew but that pain was the start of the challenges I will soon face, the older I get because in my heart nothing hurts than being betrayed and beaten by your father.
The palm of my hand covering my face as the tears that I held so long poured out."I guess in a way; I am glad for my step-mom and stepsister," I mumbled.
"I need to get myself together," I whispered as I got off the cold, comforting floor. When I got up, I walked towards the bathroom and used one of the new rags in the open closet next to the sink.
Wiping my face with the wet rag, I let my scars on my body reveal themselves. "It's almost healed," I uttered in the mirror.
"It's now my time to show who I truly am, and I'm going to let him regret what he did to my mother yesterday was just the beginning of showing who I am," I confidently said.
'And I am going to make him pay for what he did,'
________
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Love Pain & Hatred
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