Paris In The Rain [h.s]

To My Capolavoro

Hi, Capolavoro.

I'm writing this note to tell you I'm leaving... well, that I left.

I know what I'm about to write isn't going to help with what you're about to face and I'm sorry. Even I'm sorry isn't going to help or even surmount to what you're about to read.

So before you read the reason why I've decided to leave you, feel free to hate me. 

Feel free to curse my name and smash every photo we have together. Feel free to wish I never even walked into your life. Feel free to wish you never fell in love with me in the first place. Feel free to scream... cry... sit in silence. Do whatever you need to do to hate me with everything in your being... because I deserve it. All of it.

I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but it had to be done. You may not understand and I'm not sure if I do either. But this feels right in my heart and it's the only thing that can save us from a broken heart.

How crazy is it that we're both in love with our ex? Seems pretty crazy to me. Are we sure we even fell out of love with them?

I haven't said this to you yet... but I love you. I love you so much it hurts and that's why I'm doing this.

I'm doing this to save you from myself. I know that if I stay with you, I'm going to lose myself and so are you. We can't just push away these feelings we're feeling for Niall and Maria. We're both lost and we need to find ourselves... and we can't do that while still being together.

You mean the absolute world to me, Capolavoro. You're my masterpiece. You made me feel beautiful again and you'll always hold a special place in my heart.

Just don't think I left because I don't want you anymore. Don't think I left because I don't love you anymore. That's not the reason why and it never will be. 

I love you, Harry. I've never loved someone as much as I love you. You're my world, Capolavoro... my universe. You're my sun... my moon... my earth... and every little thing in between. 

I left because we both need this. 

You may not think we do, but we do, baby. We do. Nothing going on in our lives is going the way they need to be. We knew from the start that we were still in love with other people and now it's catching up to us. Not telling each other from the start was the worst thing we could possibly do and here we are still keeping those secrets from each other. Sure, we'll tell each other in the near future and that's probably when I'll add more to this heartbreaking letter, but for now, they remain secrets. 

I know you're probably thinking we can work through this and I know we're going to try to. But what are we going to do once we can't work things out anymore? What are we going to do once these problems keep reoccurring and the steps we're taking to solve them aren't working anymore? What are we going to do when neither of us can take anymore and we both snap?

We're going to grow apart, aren't we? We'll get pissed at the other and get into arguments. We're going to start hating the person we've became and then we're going to run back to our past lives. We're going to reminisce on what we used to have with the people we both still love and grow apart from each other.