𝐓𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐢 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐲 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫: 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐭

Make Hate, Not Love

Y/N and Toby have spent a bit of time reconnecting. They often run into one another after Y/N's night shift and she's beginning to think it's a little too perfect to be a coincidence. Either way, she's enthralled to be in his presence.

They dance around Toby's amnesia and just continue with a fresh start, like they're starting over. It hurts Y/N to know every experience they shared that means so much to her has slipped his mind permanently. It's like they're two new people who're becoming friends. It's hard and their association isn't coming naturally to them as it did when they met so long ago the first time. They're both different people now.

During these linkups, they enjoy each other's company, even if it's a little ungracious. Coy laughter and forced attempts to start conversation. It's cute, it reminds Y/N of when boys would try to talk to her in freshman year of high school. She can tell Toby's nerves get the best of him when she's around.

Today she is meeting him. She knows that he'll be waiting for her just outside of the forest due west of the facility. She begins making her way over, long coat draped over her folded arms and her heels sinking into the soft terrain beneath her. Amidst the tree line, she makes out a tall male figure awkwardly loitering.

It's been a trying day at work and life is getting the best of her so she hopes and prays that she can mask her pain as she finally stands before Toby. She smiles and so does he. He's usually dressed in his proxy attire, she's deemed it, but not today.

He's just wearing black jeans and a black long sleeve shirt. It's awfully warm out today, though. Toby doesn't like to show skin. He's told her about how he feels insecure about his weight and thinks he's too skinny. They've seen each other both decent and indecent, he looks just fine. However that was years ago when he was just a boy, he's a man now.

"These are for you." She places a bottle of sleeping pills into his hand. She knew about his never-ending insomnia and now gives him pills sometimes whenever they see each other. Toby appreciates it. They bring him much peace at night. She's rather generous with them and now he has 3 bottles stationed by his bedside. He often leds some to the other proxies.

About an hour of light chatting passes, talking about nothing important in particular, and Y/N's cheery façade is starting to fade as the sun ascends into the sky. They're watching the sunrise together, standing
side by side.

"What's it like being a proxy?" Y/N has yet to ask him the burning question. She's been curious for so long.

"I like it. . . I'm— I'm happy." He stutters as he tries to find the right word, a convincing word. He smiles at her but his eyes are dead and void of sincerity. The more time he spends with the estranged woman, he notices how sad she is. She's always melancholy and riddled with anxiety.

"What's Slenderman like?"

". . . He saved me from living a meaningless life. With him, I have a purpose. I'm thankful for his guidance."

"As long as you're happy, Toby." Happy without her? She hesitates, "Are you killing people?"

"Yes. Whoever my master asks me to."

"What's it like? . . . You know, murder."

"When I kill for the Slenderman, it's fulfilling. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for him."

His comments are strange throughout the rest of their encounter. Whenever talking about Slenderman or his master he becomes lifeless and his eyes glaze over. As if his spoken words are not his own. Y/N picks up on lots of other bazaar little nuisances about Toby.

"You really don't remember what we had, huh?" She still can't get over it. She's very hurt and watches as Toby stares at her, dumbfounded as well.

He shakes his head, "You're like a stranger."

Y/N has an idea of what may jog his memory. She steps closer to him slowly, sliding her hand up his chest, to his neck and then cups his jaw. Her eyes search his for any positive reaction but he just remains the same. His dark brows are furrowed in confusion. She crosses her fingers behind her back and makes her move, leaning in to recreate their first kiss.

He doesn't pull away when he feels their lips connect but instead, puts his hand on her hip and pulls her just a little closer. A moment passes before Y/N recedes, leaving her hands to rest on his chest.

"Did that bring back any memories?" She whispers. He just shakes his head, forgetting to mention the familiar heat that spread across his face. He was blushing just like the first time they kissed.

As disappointed as she is with that answer or lack there of, she's relieved that he reciprocated. Come to think of it, Toby was really into it. All signs point to him preparing for this scenario today: minty fresh breath, dressed nicely and wearing an alluring fragrance. She thinks he might be attempting to impress her.

Y/N pulls back, trying to leave his grip only for him wrap his arm around the small of her back, tugging her against him. "Just because I don't remember you, doesn't mean I don't want to kiss you."

He's wanted this for some time. As much as he can't recall the love they shared long ago, he is very captivated by her. Toby doesn't think he should be so drawn to this woman when she's someone seemingly brand new in his life. It's not just sexual attraction but his yearning for closeness overall; he just wants to hold her.

Truth be told, there's been a lot of sexual tension between the both of them and that comes as no surprise as they're both incredibly attracted to one another. Ever since they saw each other for the first time after his hostile outburst, everything has been leading up to this moment.

Y/N is the first one to retract from the kiss, slightly out of breath. Kiss is an understatement; it progressed into brief making out and slight groping. Her chest is heaving and she flashes Toby a bashful smile, admiring his swollen lips. She needed to stop before it turned into something more. God forbid her first time with Toby is up against a tree in a dark forest next to the place she works. A children's hospital no less.

"I've missed this." She says, resting her head on his chest. Strangely enough, Toby has too. It's a familiar feeling that fills his heart with warmth and comfort. He doesn't get much physical contact and when he does, it's usually his victims kicking and hitting him in attempt to escape his fatal grasp.

She goes with her instinct and chooses to ignore the aching in her core that's begging to continue, informing him that she must be on her way home now.

Y/N leaves Toby to ponder the moment. When she first kissed him, a vision flashed before his eyes. He saw younger Y/N and his arms were around her waist. She looked incredibly different. Skinny and desaturated. Her wiry hair was a little unkept but she looked gorgeous as always. That girl doesn't even compare to the woman who just stood before him.

A/N: this was so nasty to write but some sad thingz are coming at the end of the book and I need to make it not so depressing