Saudade 18+| completed

Chapter Diez

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"Take a seat."

I nervously took a seat and so did Levi. He didn't look at me and kept signing and staring at the papers. We just sat there in complete silence. Outside it was raining again. Thunderstorm. Dark clouds. What am I doing here? I kept asking myself, but I just couldn't figure out Levi's intentions. The storm outside was getting worse with every passing minute. The strong wind hit against the windows of Levi's office. It scared me. And that's when I noticed his dark grey eyes. They were darker than usual. His stare was making me uncomfortable. No, it's not. I rolled my eyes at my inner voice. He raised his left brow. Dude, say something! This situation was getting more and more awkward, so I finally broke the silence. His eyes were fixed on me and it made my cheeks heat up. "Could you maybe tell me, why I am here, captain?" Again there was no answer. I was getting impatient. "If you don't want to tell me then...May I leave?" He clicked with his tongue. God, give me the patience to tolerate this MAN! "Is there any problem?" Yes. You. I laughed sarcastically. "Well...It's been an hour...I think..you ordered me to sit here and then started to work on the files. And when I ask you why I am here you just ignore me!" I raised my brow. He should start speaking or else I will storm out of here. "Tch, if I tell you the reason you'll get mad at me. As usual." My eyes widened. "Right now, YOU not telling me the reason IS making me angry. And yes I am mad at you." He chuckled. Did HE chuckle? No, I wasn't going to tolerate this any longer. I got up angrily and pushed back the chair making my way to the door. "Hey, (Y/N)!" Levi ran up to me holding my right hand. I shiver ran down my back. How does he do this to me? I stopped. His other hand turned me towards him. I could get lost in his dark eyes.

*

"Just ignore her. And if something happens, come to ME." Was he talking about Petra? Must be her. "Your beloved fiancée?" Your fiancée. I hated this expression. He sighed and nodded his head. His grip around my wrist got tighter. We stared at each other peacefully. ME and LEVI? Peacefully? But we both were enjoying that moment. I could see that in his mesmerizing eyes. I wanted to stay here. Forever. It shocked me, what I did next. I gently and slowly put my arms around his neck and hugged him. Will he answer my hug? I didn't have to look at him to know that he was shocked. My heartbeat was racing, but my body was strangely enough calm. I never felt that calm in my life. His arms hesitantly pulled me closer to him. His hand on my back was making my body heat up. Why did it have to be this way? The thought of never being able to be with him hurt my heart but I didn't cry. I was not going to let him know. His warm breath was tickling me, because of his head resting in the crook of my neck. Our bodies were touching each other and it felt amazing. I inhaled his natural scent. Heavenly. He was pulling me closer with every breath we took. When was the last time we hugged like this? Years ago. Memories of the past starting flashing in front of my eyes. The time, when we were together. When we loved each other. When he told me he would marry me once we get out of that hell. Silly us. We didn't know that there was another hell waiting for us. Waiting to tear us apart and break us. We were happy there. We had each other. But our greed for having a better life tore us apart. What would have happened, if we didn't make the decisions that we made. Would we have died there? Would we have gotten married? What would have happened, if I had agreed and left WITH him? His hands had moved from my back to my waist. My cheeks heated up more as I felt his heartbeat. Did he ever think of me? Did he miss me? My body fit perfectly into his arms. Harmony. My eyes were starting to tear up. Tell him. Tell him what? That I still love him? It's not going to change anything? I had to break the hug. It wasn't going to end well for us. My arms left his neck. Levi's pupils were dilated, which made his eyes look darker. I bit my lip. I couldn't help it. I had to leave. Get away from him.  I took a deep breath and grabbed the cold doorknob. The cold made me shiver.  And without looking back once, I left his office closing the door behind him. I could faintly hear him calling out my name. That's when a tear escaped my eye. My life has always been like this. I open up, care, love and they leave. My legs were wobbly. With much pain, I reached my room. I really wished that Hanje wasn't there and she wasn't. I slowly closed the door behind me and as soon as I did  I fell to the ground. Crying. Silent cry. I curled up and held my knees tightly. Trying really hard to not make a sound. I don't want someone to hear me in this miserable condition. The only person I needed was not here. I couldn't go to him. I couldn't tell him how much I need him. And that hurt me more. Levi's and Petra's relationship was the only thing that was insuring the existence of the Scout Regiment. But there must be another reason behind it. Something bigger than that. Levi is not a person that is convinced easily. Especially when it's something he hates. I need to find out! And what will you do after that? I didn't know the answer to that question.