If Only I Knew

CHAPTER I

"Why aren't you here yet, Brooke? We were expecting you to arrive half an hour ago."

"I know. I'm so sorry. I'll be there within 10 minutes. I promise."

"That's what you said half an hour ago. Brooklyn Cooper, you do realise that millions of people would give up almost everything to be in your shoes, don't you?"

"I do, Sarah. I really do understand but Noah and I haven't been in a good place lately. To be honest I feel that we are not happy with each other anymore. Oh God! I don't really feel like doing anything right now."

"Brooke, you never were happy with him, you just pretended to be. And I'm so sorry that it took you 5 years to realise that but seriously, this is not the best time to talk about your marriage problems. Hundreds of people are expecting you to come here with a smile on your face and sign their books like you don't give a damn about what's happening in the world right now."

"Thanks. That really helped, Sarah."

I sighed and ended the phonecall. No, my marriage wasn't a mistake! Noah held me when I was at my lowest and he was the one who believed in me even when I did not believe in my own self! Sure, I didn't love him the way I imagined to love my husband. But I still did love him. Actually, I always imagined someone else becoming my husband. Someone I would rather not think or talk about.

The car came to a halt and I stepped outside feeling both excited and nervous as hell.

Growing up, I had wanted to become an actor. I used to spend hours dancing and learning other skills that I thought were necessary to become an actor but sometimes fate has other plans made for us already.

If you would have asked me 7 years ago how I felt about being an author, I would have laughed. If you would have asked me about my future plans, getting married would surely be not an option for me in the near future. If things would have turned out the way I would have wanted them to, I surely couldn't be happier than I am right now, I guess.

Maybe we'll never know and that is why I chose to write. I wrote things that I wish would happen and I wrote things that I wish would never happen. I wrote things that made me laugh and I wrote things that made me cry. In the end, I realised that I may not have been able to do all the things that I wanted to do in life but maybe I could do them, not literally but through my characters, even if for a few minutes, I could feel what I wanted to.

When I stepped inside the hall, I could see a huge group of people sitting. Their eyes, filled with excitement and their lips, smiling from ear to ear. At that moment, I really couldn't give a damn of whatever was happening in the world.

************************************

After the signing event, I felt sad. Sad because I didn't know when was I going to have another one of these events.

"Well, look at you. You look like as if the man of your dreams asked you to marry him." Sarah stood there with a wide smile on her face. She was my manager and a best friend in disguise. When I first moved in to New York, she was the first person I met and instantly befriended.

"Oh God! I really wish I could do more of these events. I love it so much when I interact with people and they tell me how much they love my work. It feels good to be acknowleged."

"Yeah, right. Do you wanna grab lunch together? I'm starving."

"Do you even need to ask that? Of course!"

While we waited for our french fries and burger to arrive, Sarah asked me the most unexpected question. "Are you in touch with Will? Did you see his new music video? What's that song called? 'Maybe One Day' I think."

"No, I haven't. Why would I listen to Will's music anyway?" I tried to brush aside the topic.

"All right. I was just curious to know if you heard it. It's really great FYI."

The waiter arrived in time with our order and saved me an awkward conversatiom with Sarah about Will.

"So, how are things going on between you and Josh? I heard you two went out for a date." I tried to keep the discussion about Will at bay.

"Things are good between us. For now! I'm sure he'll run away before I even ask him out for a third date."

"No, he won't. He's a really nice guy."

"Yeah, whatever. Anyways, what were you telling me on the phone earlier? About you and Noah? Did something happen?" Sarah asked me.

"No. Not really."

"Brooklynnn..." Of course she knew I was lying.

"Okay, I'll tell you everything. Ever since we came back from our trip to Bali, Noah has changed. I have changed too. We both have changed! I don't want to spend time with him when he wants to and when I'm free he's not. It's like we're forced into being with each other."

"Brooke, I know you won't like to hear what I really want to say about this so let me just tell you the same lie that I tell you almost everytime. This happens in all marriages. It's just a phase and you'll get through it together."

I knew what she actually wanted to tell me. That my union with Noah was a compromise, a lie that we both were living.

"Sarah, but all this is having a really bad impact on Sam. He's just a kid. He does not deserve this. I heard him crying yesterday night after Noah and I fought. He reminded me of when I was young and cried while my parents fought. He shouldn't have to go all through this." I said remembering my own childhood.

"Do you really love Noah?"

I was stunned from this question. Why else would I have married him otherwise? A tiny voice inside my heart tried to become louder but my conscience pushed it deep inside.

"Brooke, you do not need to answer me" she pointed her finger towards my bosom and continued- "but deep down in your heart it's only you who truly knows if you love him or not. And if you don't, you both are going to hurt Sam more than you are hurting him right now."

"Sarah...I....I think I should get going. I have to pickup Sam from school today. Noah told me in the morning that he will be busy. I'll see you later. Thank you for the lunch."

I got up with my eyes filled with tears. What if whatever Sarah told me is infact true. I really don't know but I do know that I refuse to accept that.

Author's Note:
Hey! How are you all? Liked this chapter? Do comment and Vote. Don't forget to share this stort with your friends.
Love ya'll
♡