Light Of My Life

The Losses We Feel

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Words: 1,352

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Spencer's lips twitch to the side when he looks down at his phone. He doesn't remember making a noise but he must have because the next thing he knows, Devyn is asking. "What?" She sits up behind him in bed, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"My dad knows I'm in town," He tells her. "Apparently my mother told him."

"Okay," Devyn says slowly. "What's he saying?"

"He wants to meet before I leave."

"You sound conflicted," Devyn observes and moves to sit next to him, grabbing his arm. "I know you have a rocky relationship with your father, and trust me, I'm no stranger to that. But I also know you guys have been trying to fix it." Spencer sighs and nods. Every since reconnecting with William, it took a while, but he decided, with the help of his mother, to not cut the man out of his life. Not completely, anyway.

"Yeah," Spencer mumbles and turns to her. "What do you say. Want to meet my father?"

Hours later when lunch rolls around, Spencer and Devyn make their way to the agreed-upon restaurant. William is already there and he stands when he sees his son, waving them both over.

"Spencer," He greets with a smile and Spencer nods back tightly.

"Dad," The words sounds weird on his tongue and he nearly winces. "This is, uh,"

"Devyn," The young woman introduces herself and squeezes Spencer's hand before they all sit.

"It's great to meet you," William smiles but Devyn only hums, her own lips pulled back into a thin line. "So, how have you been?"

"Good," Spencer nods and Devyn shakes her head, closing her eyes for a moment. "And you?"

"I've been good," William copies Spencer's nods and Devyn sighs, looking between them.

"You guys know how awkward this is, right?" She asks and William huffs a laugh while Spencer slumps in his seat, eyebrows rising in agreement. "So, William, you're a lawyer." After that, Devyn does her best to keep the conversation flowing and the tension to a minimum. Sometimes that's easier than others but by the end of lunch, the three of them are leaving the restaurant with no ill feelings. She'll call that a win.

They catch a flight back home before the day is over and arrive back in Virginia late that night.

"I don't like flying, I'm going to sleep for twenty-four hours, don't wake me," Devyn groans as she falls onto the bed, curling up under the blankets. "I don't know how you do it all the time."

"Having a private jet helps," Spencer whispers and joins his girlfriend, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to him.

"I bet it does," Devyn hums sleepily and falls asleep moments later.

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You know that saying, "If it's not one thing, it's another."? Devyn isn't sure if it's a popular saying or if it's just something she's heard before. But she feels it appropriate to describe her life.

Sniffing, Devyn pulls her knees even tighter to her chest and hugs them to herself. The hiss and hum of the ventilator feels louder than normal, sounding in time to the pounding in her head.

Time passes but Devyn doesn't move. The concept of time has long since left her.

She doesn't hear the door opening behind her, she doesn't react until a hand lands on her shoulder. She flinches, her head whipping around to see Spencer sitting by her side. She sighs and slumps in her seat.

"I've been looking for you," Spencer says quietly but the worry is evident in his voice.

"Sorry, I-" Devyn's voice gets caught in her throat and she purses her lips. She sniffs again and wipes her face with a weak hand. Spencer moves closer to her, hand shifting from her shoulder and onto her back. "Her doctor called me-" Devyn starts again, her voice but a mere whisper. She fears it'll break if she speaks any louder. "I've known she wasn't getting any better...guess I just didn't want to accept that she was getting worse."

Spencer doesn't speak as he stands. He pulls Devyn up as well and pulls her into his arms, one arm wrapped around her back, his other hand running through her hair. "I should hate her," Devyn grabs the back of Spencer's jacket and squeezes. "Despite everything he did to her, to me, she still stayed. I should hate her...but I can't."

"She's your mother," Spencer whispers softly into her ear.

"She was," Devyn agrees with a small nod. "She's..."

"I know," Spencer mumbles when Devyn trails off, tightening his arms around her. "I saw Tonya. She told me."

Spencer can feel Devyn's tear soaking into the front of his shirt and without even meaning to, he starts to rock her back and forth. "She's never going to wake up." Devyn chokes out, her silent cries becoming louder.

When Spencer couldn't find Devyn, he'd called her. When she didn't answer, he texted Richard. When that didn't pan out, he came here. He knows this is one of the places she comes when she's dealing with something. But when Tonya stopped him just outside the room, he learned the real reason she came.

Karina Merrick was officially pronounced as brain dead today.

When she stops crying, Spencer pulls Devyn down into a chair, sitting her on his lap. She rests her head on his shoulder but doesn't speak.

"Do you want to stay?"

"What's the point?" Devyn mumbles in response to Spencer's question and she feels him sigh.

"Dev," He starts but she cuts him off.

"No, Spence, she's gone," Devyn shakes her head and wipes her face again. "Machines are keeping her body alive but she's...she's dead." When her voice cracks, Devyn lifts a hand to cover her mouth and sniffs.

"Do you want to leave, or..." Spencer trails off but he doesn't need to say it.

"I don't know...what I need to do," Devyn has felt helpless many times in her life. Her whole life it seems. This is definitely one of those moments. She's not sure if she's ever felt this helpless before. "But I don't want to leave her like this. I know it's not what she would want." Devyn knows her mother was a free-spirited type before he met her father. She never liked being confined in one place...like she is now. She would hate this.

Spencer nods in understanding before gently explaining her options and the process of those to the best of his abilities. Devyn tries her best to stay strong. He can see it. The way she bites the inside of her cheek so hard it draws blood in an effort to not cry again. He hates it. Seeing her in so much pain. All he wants to do is stop it but he doesn't know how. Doesn't know if he can.

Spencer spots the moment Devyn shuts down in that way she does. It's rare that it happens, but he has seen it before. The doctor and a grief counselor come in and explain basically everything he had before. Devyn nods along but he isn't sure if she's really hearing their words. Her eyes never leave her mother's face. Not until she's handed the papers to sign.

When the ventilator is switched off, Devyn hides her face in Spencer's chest as her mother's heart slowly stops. He rubs her back in a poor attempt of comfort and stands there with her. She's the first one to move away, leaving the room without looking over her shoulder. Spencer follows quickly, catching up wordlessly. He reaches for her hand, grasping it tightly in his own.

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1. Well, Devyn met William. That's nice
2...Sad times. Devyn's mother has passed away. How do you think she'll handle things?
3. At least Spencer was there for her. Right?
4. I really like putting my characters through tough stuff, huh? This isn't even breaking the ice on what's to come.
5. Also, Devyn uses her mothers maiden name. That's why it's different.

Well, thank you guys for reading! I'd love to know what you think of this chapter!

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