This Isn't Me

Suicide?

“Mom, you're freaking me out! What is it?” I hold my breathe and wait for her reply. She's taking forever to answer and it's only making me more anxious. “Mom please, just say it.” I breathe out. I know that it has something to do with Ashley; the fact that she's not here and isn't answering her phone is all the proof I need but I need my mom to tell me.

“Sweetie,” She pauses and sighs. The suspense is literally killing me. “Ashley was brought in a couple hours ago.” I don't say anything as she continues. “They found her car in the river, Spencer, the police are saying that...” She trails off, all this pausing is going to give me a heart attack.

“Mom!” I half shout.

“They said she went off the bridge and they didn't find any tire tracks Spencer. They're ruling it an attempted suicide.” I sharply inhale. Ashley would never... she wouldn't... why...

“Sweetie, I found it hard to believe too, but they--”

“No.” I cut my mom off. I refuse to believe she did this.

“Spencer Ashley isn't doing so well, she's unconscious and...”

“What room is she in?”

“409, but you shouldn't be driving Spence honey have...” But I've already hung up the phone. I can't hear anything else I just need to get to my girlfriend.

Spencer told Deb and Kyla what happened, barely able to get the words out from all the crying she was doing. They all rushed to the hospital.

–

“Mom!” Spencer shouts as Paula walks towards them. She further explains the situation as she escorted them to the room.

It hurt Spencer so badly to see Ashley that way. It took all her strength not to break down right then and there. Spencer went and sat down on the bed next Ashley and took her hand in her and laced their fingers. Paula whispered to Deb and Kyla that they should give them some privacy. They all left the room. Spencer tried to hold it in but seeing Ashley that way made her so sad she had to let the tears out. She laid her head down on Ashley's shoulder and cried. She then decided that if she was ever going to tell Ashley how she truly felt this would be the best time. Even though Ashley was in a comma she knew deep down that Ashley could hear her. So she started.

Ashley, I really need to tell you this and if I lo...” Spencer pauses as her breathing picks up. The thought of losing Ashley crosses her mind. She regains composure and starts again. “If you don't come back to me and I don't tell you this then... I just have to tell you this... We've been through so much together, I love you so much. I knew that I loved you the first day I met, I know you don't believe in love at first sight but I really did fall really hard for you the first moment I laid eyes on you. You know I wasn't even going to go to class because I was so terrified of meeting new people, but you, you were okay, you weren't scary at all. You made me feel so comfortable and I think that's why I fell for you so hard. Your beautiful smile, your gorgeous eyes, everything about you is breath taking. You can't go Ashley, please...” Spencer closes her eyes and squeezes Ashley's hand. “I can't live without you in my life. I know that know; if there's no you, there's no me. I'm sorry for the whole Michelle thing but she never came before you Ashley, you just took it that way. I don't love her I love you, she is just a friend who was in need. Her stepfather used to molest her and her cousin kicked her out and her mom, her mom just... lets just say her mom wasn't a very good mom, and she just needed a friend. You have to believe me. I love you and only you. You are my everything. So you have to come back to me. Please...” And in that moment the steady beeps of Ashley's heart monitor soon became one long shrilling ringing. Spencer screamed for help. The doctors and nurses came running into the room. Paula saw how scared Spencer was and decided that she shouldn't be in there to see that. They took out the paddles.