✨10,000 Little Love Letters✨ ~soulmate amaguji~

~disappear~

! rantaro POV !

dumbass.

rantaro amami is a dumbass.

i push through the hallway of my school, keeping my gaze down. i hold a couple of the letters from my soulmate to my chest, contemplating what to do with them. burn them, perhaps? read them when i'm upset? i sigh softly, reaching my locker and stuffing them away, except for one.

this one letter was my favorite. he went on a little ramble about his day, how beautiful a walk he went on was. i miss that... my soulmate was a lovely writer. not that it mattered anymore. my letter was left on read, and i'm pretty sure our connection would cut off soon enough.

with a soft sigh, i run my hand against the cold metal of my locker. it was covered in stickers and words written from my friends. small decorations littering the door of it, my fingers gently running over the contrasting textures. i just wanted to crawl inside my locker and wait the day out. in all honesty? i feel like shit. i press my back against the door, sliding down it and pulling my knees to my chest until i've become a little ball fading out in the hallway's chaos. a nothing in the crowd, but everything in my head. my thoughts picking me apart, judging me as i remain sedentary on the floor. the bustling grows quieter and quieter... until...

silence.

peaceful, torturous silence.

a calming presence interrupted with my own inner thoughts.

the time ticks by, silence occasionally being interrupted by the bell chiming. the first reminder i should be sitting in my class, muttering out a reply as the teacher takes absence. unfortunately i'm present. well, not now, at least.

the second bell chimes, the equivalent to someone yelling that i'm late to whatever class i'd begrudgingly attend. and yet, i'm not there. i'm phasing out of nothing and wishing i could disappear.

i slip in my headphones, leaning my head back until it hits the cool metal. i wonder if no one even notices. perhaps they just don't care enough.

maybe i would disappear. maybe i'd slowly rot away in this hallway, until i become nothing and no one. until it becomes uncommon for someone to acknowledge my presence.

maybe rantaro amami is already nothing. just a small thing in the grand scheme of it all. and honestly? i can't complain.

it would be so much easier to disappear. i wouldn't have to be a disappointment in my father's eyes, nor a failed brother figure to my sisters. instead, i become nothing, until they all slowly forget my name.

i hear footsteps approaching, and i cover my ears, praying the noise goes away. it all becomes too much for me, all of my senses scrambled and gone haywire.

they come to an abrupt stop, and i look up to see a familiar face. the same light skin, the same dark hair, the same sharp eyes.

"...rantaro?"

"kiyo-cha-- korekiyo?"

his eyebrows furrow, a mix of most likely concerned or worried. though, it's quite hard to tell with the mask. he crouches in front of me, still much taller in comparison. it's almost intimidating, though my senses are all over the place at the moment.

"are you okay? i noticed you weren't in class..."

i pause, trying to quickly think of a lie. but my tongue twists and words fall out almost involuntarily.

"...i fucked up so, so bad."

"how so?"

"my soulmate..." i chuckle sadly, looking down at my hands. "i was such an ass to him..."

kiyo slips down next to me, pressing his back against the locker. his bandaged hands rub my shoulder gently, a small attempt to soothe my nerves.

"rantaro, i am sure everything is just fine. if it helps... i recently got dumped by my soulmate. however... i believe i deserved it." he pauses, clearing his throat and regaining his composure. "no matter. i'm simply stating that you may talk to me, as i know quite a bit about ruining your connection with a soulmate."

"you... got dumped?"

"yes... i did."

i pause, clicking my tongue. "i... i dumped my soulmate last night."

the taller boy turns his head towards me, placing a dainty hand over his mouth, his eyebrows lifting up slightly. i bite my lip for a moment, before extending a small letter out to him.

"...is this yours, korekiyo?"

he gently runs his finger over the envelope, carefully examining it. he looks through the note, his pale complexion morphing into that of shock as he reads.

"...this is my handwriting..." he closes his eyes, crumpling up the letter into a pathetic little ball. he tosses it out into the hall, the wad of paper soon too far away for me to reach. "apologies... for being a bad soulmate."

"korekiyo, i'm sorry!! i... i didn't mean it..."

he interrupts me, speaking softly and looking down at his hands, "it's fine... i understand well... you said you had feelings for another, no? i could always help you get together with them."

"kiyo-chan... please don't be so dense..."

he tries to speak, but i slink down even more, stuffing my hands in my pockets and accepting the cold embrace of the hallway's floors.

"i love you, okay? why else would i give you my jacket, with my name written on the back? i want people to know you're mine... that i care for you, and that if anyone hurts you they'll need to watch out for me. that when i had a bad moment, i immediately went to you and asked to call again. i wanted to apologize, because i love hearing your voice, even if it's over a call. it's you, it was always you!!"

as i finish talking, i let out a small gasp for breath. the halls grow silent, however, it wasn't a comfortable silence like it used to be. it was a looming silence, a feeling that i had ruined everything once again.

"rantaro —"

"just forget it." i stand up, grabbing my bags and walking off, avoiding all eye contact. the bell rings and i continue to push past everyone, turning to look back at kiyo, still eyeing me in shock by my locker.

maybe he'll understand what it's like to disappear.