random things

2

just a few things i want to say right now

these last few days, weeks, months to be honest have been really stressful for me..
I've been constantly fighting and just not getting along with my family..
I've been questioning myself as in my personality, looks, life choices i guess..
I've been having some (really small) troubles with my mental health as in I had tons of panic attacks, anger problems..
some days were okay some were amazing and some were total disasters, but hey I'm still here..

and maybe it's the energy drink i had earlier this day or maybe it's just one of those days, but right now I feel so full of life..
i feel happy, i feel grateful, i even felt free for a short amount of time..
and that's just everything to me..

so, i know i have troubles with my family
and i know I've been saying that this place just isn't my home, and i stand by that.. it's just how it is..

but i feel so freaking (i know i am repeating myself) grateful to have some people and things in my life..

I'm so grateful for my family, despite all the troubles
I'm so grateful for the opportunities and chances i get in life
I'm so grateful for all my friends, that i know in person or not
I'm so grateful for music and the way it brings so many emotions out of me
I'm so grateful for pencils, paint, paper and things like that, and the way I feel so happy when using them, be it writing or drawing
I'm so grateful for the sky and the way it makes me just look at it and say “beautiful”
I'm so grateful for the sun and the warmth i feel when it is there
I'm so grateful for the moon and its power to make me feel some kind of way and just have silent conversations with me
I'm so grateful for the road and the way it is there for me to run and jump on it, because I just feel like it
I'm so grateful.

i am just so grateful I get to live... the feeling of just breathing and existing... just being here... being...

i mean take a look at that: i exist
it's just so wonderful... I'm able to say that...

life.. what even is that?
so confusing..