Only You

Attack

Jean came back to visit the next day. She was very busy and Reg understood. Besides, he wasn't really feeling up to seeing her. Not because of her. But his treatment was in full swing now, he was feeling nauseated almost all the time, he looked gaunt and tired and his stair had started to fall out. He hated himself and what he hated even more that he was holding back Jean. She deserved better. He felt like he wasn't the man that she'd originally fallen in love with anymore. Still, he put on his happy face whenever she was there and tried to make her feel at ease. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel sad, worried or worse, for her to pity him.

Jean, however, looked different that afternoon. At first, he couldn't quite put a finger on it, but then he realised. She looked fed up.
"Hey beautiful." Reg smiled, as he always did, but Jean brushed it off.
"Oh stop it, Paget." She didn't know why she suddenly felt so snappy. Not just that day, she had suffered from horrendous mood swings the past few days. Reg being in hospital and pretending he wasn't suffering even though it wasn't true got to her more than she cared to admit. Maybe it was because he was so kind and understanding all the time. Why wasn't he angry? He'd lost his hair and was weak and skinny, why wasn't he angry? Why wasn't he upset? Why wasn't he being honest about the situation? Even if he really wasn't angry, Jean sure was. And at this point, she just couldn't keep it in anymore.
"Jean, what's wrong? Did something happen at work?" Reg wondered if a newspaper had reported unfavourably or maybe she'd had a fight with her director. But apparently it was nothing of the sort.
"No." She said curtly. She realised how sick and tired she was of the hospital, the fake positivity, the sounds, the smell, it was all too much. "Actually, I think I should go."
"Do what you need to do." Reg said calmly.

Of course he was hurt, especially when she stormed out, slamming the door behind her, but Jean finally letting go of him and the relationship was also a weird kind of relief to him. Now she wasn't bound to a sick, probably dying man anymore. In a peculiar way, he was happy, not for his sake, but for hers.
Reg leaned back and returned to his book. He hadn't even gotten to telling her the good news that he'd be allowed to go home for a few days. But alas, maybe she'd finally met someone healthy and realized that this wasn't the future for her. The man without a future just couldn't be what she wanted or needed. It was better that way, even though it broke his heart.

Jean was driving home, she didn't really know why she had reacted like that. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, she hadn't meant to snap. She just missed the old Reg, she didn't want him to be the lackluster version of himself he presented just for her sake. It actually hurt a little, to think that Reg believed she would only love him when he was healthy or funny or happy.  But that was hardly Reggie's fault, Jean knew he'd been raised to be strong. And her reputation had probably done the rest.
To be honest, Jean had already felt awful after slamming the door to his room, but she could hardly turn around,  go back in and tell him she changed her mind, she wasn't mad, could she? He had been kind, nothing had warranted this reaction. Her frustrations were no reason to treat him badly, especially because only god knew how much time they had left.
Jean thought about phoning him but realised that it would probably be better to leave him alone that night. An apology over the phone would feel insincere to her, she wanted to look him in the eyes.
And she would be there the day after anyway, a few musicians had come together for a little concert at the hospital, not for Reg, nobody knew about his condition, he was adamant about that. But nevertheless they were going to sing at the hospital and for the first time in her life, Jean was looking forward to doing something charitable. Yes, Jean had never really cared about philanthropy, she'd always thlught it was nothing more than virtue signalling by people who took themselves way too seriously. But things had changed and Jean was excited to make some people smile. She would apologize to Reg, right after the concert, and they would continue to fight this battle hand in hand. Things really weren't easy at the moment, but now that Jean knew how to fix at least one of their minor problems, she felt so much better.
She arrived at her house and was immediately hit with a sense of sadness and loneliness. It wasn't late, not even six, but Jean suddenly felt so tired. She forced herself to eat a sandwich and went to bed.
Nothing but sleep seemed to be able to remedy her situation, at least temporarily.