Only You

For Forever

Cissy had never been the kind of woman to have many admirers. It wasn't that she was ugly or unkind or boring, but there always seemed to be someone who was prettier, kinder or even more witty.
If people were colours, Cissy was a soft pastel, paling in comparison to other people's bright neon hues but not less beautiful or spectacular in any way. Just a different kind of pretty.
In Salzburg however, things were different. The whole cast and crew of the production she was in weren't only grateful that she had saved the day by coming over on such short notice to play Musetta, they also genuinely liked and appreciated her.
This role proved to be her big break in more than one way. She was a household name now, sure, but it had also brought her much closer to Wilf. He had stayed with her for a week, until after opening night. He'd accompanied her to the red carpet, but whenever the journalists had asked him questions, Wilf had directed them to Cissy because he insisted on this being "her" night. For some reason he didn't seem to mind sharing the spotlight with her, and Cissy appreciated it, but she worriedthat he mightbe jealous of not being the centre of attention.

Deep down, Wilf wasn't jealous of Cissy, or jealous that she received all that attention. Quite the contrary, nobody deserved it more. He was worried about something else, worried that someone else might realise how amazing Cissy was, someone snatching away his love. He trusted Cissy, she wouldn't hurt his feelings on purpose, but one day she had to realise that he wasn't good enough for her, that he was nothing but a selfish, immature man who was clinging onto her for dear life. Because what Cissy promised was real. So much more real than anything he had experienced before meeting her, she grounded him. But Wilf knew that he couldn't depend on her for that, that this wasn't her job and that he of all people had no right to be jealous.
Jealousy was something Wilf had only been on the receiving end of before, from men who were angry that he was stealing their girlfriends and women who were upset about him seeing others on the side. Feeling it, however, was new. It was a darkness that seemed to gnaw its way through his mind and it made him miserable, yet he took it as a sign.
A sign to actually work on himself and the way he treated others, because if Cissy was the first person to make him feel so strongly, she surely had to be special. She was worth the struggle.
So when he left Salzburg two days after opening night, it wasn't a goodbye. It was "see you soon, I miss you already."
The first thing Wilf did after getting off the plane was calling a therapist that had been recommended to him and booking an appointment. This was overdue and he finally realised that he wasn't just doing this for Cissy or to make himself look good or win imaginary points of some sort, first and foremost he did it for himself because he wanted to get better. Wilf called Cissy every night, but he didn't tell her about the therapist. He wasn't embarrassed, he just firmly believed in not burdening Cissy with his struggles. She deserved to be carefree.

*****************************

About a week after Wilf had returned from Salzburg, he finally found the time to see Reg. They had been speaking on the phone of course, but they had busy schedules. Wilf had work and Reg had tons of doctor's appointments. So when Wilf parked his car in Reg's driveway and walked towards his house which hadn't changed a bit, at least externally, he was shocked upon seeing his friend open the door.
This was not the Reginald Paget he remembered, and he was hit by a wave of guilt. Reg looked much worse than he'd sounded on the phone and Wilf worried that he might have lost valuable time with his best friend while being caught up in his own life.
"Reg, hey there..." he gave his friend a nervous grin.
"Wilf, it's good to see you. Don't look so shocked, despite the way I look, I am doing quite well. Come in." They sat down in the living room which loomed different. "Do you like what Jean did with the place? She and my sister are obsessed with making it more homely, now that I'm forced to spend more time here." Wilf chuckled and looked around. There were new curtains, the bookshelves were in order and someone had draped handmade quilts over the couches. There was also a colourful bouquet on the mantlepiece of the fireplace and an array of potted plants dotted around the room.
"I'm more shocked that Jean Horton knows about making a place look homely. Wasn't there a tour of her house in Opera Today once? I remember us talking about how sterile it looked..."
"I think it's the pregnancy, she's usually not one for fuss and over the top interior design." Reg smiled, his thoughts straying to his pregnant fiancée.
"Where is she by the way, she can't possibly be singing, right?"
"She is," Reg sighed. "She's recording an album, at least it's not live shows anymore, her bump has started showing and she wants to protect her privacy as much as possible. She's only five months along, so there's still a while to go." Wilf nodded, pretending that he knew all about pregnancy and could relate.
"You have no idea what I'm talking about, right?"
"You got me there." They both laughed. "But tell me, didn't you guys want to get married?"
"We did, but there's been a lot going on with my sister reconnecting and me getting treatment. And Jean refuses to get married without Cissy, she won't hear a word of it."
"That's actually very sweet... but you must make plans if you want to tie the knot before the baby gets here. That was the plan, right?"
Reg sighed deeply, they hadn't really spoken about it recently, but personally he wanted to get all their ducks in a row before having the baby, especially as the wedding had originally been a way to make access to information easier for Jean.
"It is. I'll have to talk to her. But tell me, how is Cissy doing. Did you make up?"
"We did. Reg, I never thought I'd say this, but she might be the one. She makes me feel things that I thought weren't even real. I miss her. I listen to our Rigoletto, just to hear her voice..." Reg laughed so hard he almost choked.
"I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be laughing but do you remember you absolutely ripping me apart for being in love with Jean? And now you're even more foolish than I am." Wilf blushed.
"I suppose you are right, I deserve this. She really changed me. And Salzburg is being so good to her, our Cissy is a star over there."
"She absolutely deserves it. I'm happy for her and from what I've read, her Musetta is triumphant."
"Even better. I saw her and I swear, hers was the most amazing performance I have ever seen in my life."
"She's always been in either Jean or Anne Langley's shadow." Reg agreed and took a sip from his cup.