Loving The Lost

Chapter 12

Asher's POV:

I just kissed Jay!

He just kissed me back!

We just kissed!!!!

Thoughts threatened to run through my mind, the negative ones, the ones that cut up and bury every once of happiness I feel, trying to infect me with their spews of nonsense I always give into, because some part of me always believes them. But not this time, this time I shoved them to the deepest depths of my subconscious praying they never resurfaced.

I stared into his mesmerising emerald eyes, I could see the happiness and Ecstasy pouring out of them matching the grin the spread across his face. I still can't believe I kissed him. I made the first move, he let me make the first move, he gave me that decision and I loved every second of it. It was nerve racking at first, but as soon as my lips touched his It felt like I just melted. All the pain I felt, and the fear and angst just slipped away, something I had been praying for since that day. Since my mother died I have been in pain, I have suffered and hurt and I'm tired of it. And now? It just vanished, the weight I have been carrying for three years just dropped into thin air, I can finally breath.

"That just happened,"Jay breathes out, but his smile I love so much never wavers the slightest.

"Y-yeah."I all I can conjure up to say. But then his face falls slightly and fear and regret take place, however his eyes stay in that state of euphoria.

"Look, I know this it going to be hard,"he starts, peaking my curiosity, but also my fear.

"You can't stand in the shower with your ankle, I know your still scared, and I hate it. I hate that your afraid because just seeing you like that hurts me." I instantly tense at the mention of the subject as the fear slowly crawls its way into me, But my heart also swells at that thought that he cares that much about me, that he cared at all.

"So were going to figure this out, you need a bath before you get sick, that and the water is getting cold. Today you're facing you're fear head on, and I'm going to be right here by you're side. I promise."He vows. The fear slowly enclosing me, but this time I fight it off. He eyes soften with care after his words, I know he's right, that I have to get over this and finally stop cowering behind it. The thought it's self is terrifying, but I trust Jay. With him, with a simple touch I feel safer, so if I'm ever going to get over this now would be the best time. I slowly, timidly nod my head, I don't think he could even notice it, but he did and his eyes lit up ever so slightly.

He told me he's going to stay with me the whole time, that he was always going to be there to help me through it, and he wasn't joking. At first I was skeptical about it, my usual self consciousness taking over, but I push through it anyway. I take of all my clothes apart from my boxers, now being completely exposed to him. The first thing he does is frown, he glares at my broken and bruised body with pure hatred. I'm about to cry out in pain, the pain that he hated what I looked like, how I was so damaged and ugly, how I was littered with vile scars and unnatural colours from bruises that covers my ghost pale skin, how my bones stuck out in almost all places making me look like a skeleton from the bio class. I shake like a leaf as my arms subconsciously wrap around my upper body in attempts to shield myself. But I'm wrong, I'm proven wrong when his body crashes Ito mine, his arms wrap so tightly and protectively around me, sending all my thoughts out the window, but I still trembled in his embrace despite how he made me feel sheltered and secure.

"It's ok....I think you're beautiful, honestly I do no doubt about it."His words send heat to the tips of my ears and across my cheeks, curse me and blushing.