house of black

chapter 18: bad faith

TW: Mentions of blood, death and miscarriage. Please be safe x

Malfoy Manor, 1977

The first time Narcissa had missed a cycle after her marriage to Lucius, she was ecstatic. Ever since she was a child there had never been anything she wanted more than to be a mother. Being the youngest of her siblings she spent much of her childhood tucking her china dolls into their own beds, rocking them, singing them to sleep. Things her family found most endearing.

When she started school, she found herself stepping into a carer role for many of the girls in her dorm. That is what had secured her the close friendship she still had with a fellow Slytherin, Reagan. She remembered on their first night at school the dark haired girl had been missing home so terribly that she had almost been ill in her bed. So Narcissa hopped out of hers and climbed in beside her in the hopes that having someone stroking her hair and singing to her would make her feel better (it always helped Narcissa when Andromeda did it).

But when she met Lucius Malfoy, that was the moment she knew being a mother was the thing she wanted to do. As she got older she found herself daydreaming of not only being a mother in general, but being a mother to Lucius' children. She thought of marrying him and her dream of having the halls of Malfoy Manor filled with their children sent her to sleep in the cold winter nights she spent in the castle after Lucius graduated. Oh the life she would give them. How loved they would be.

Lilith Malfoy was especially delighted when she found out about Narcissa's condition.

"I knew it wouldn't take long." she said with a smile that seemed to stretch too far over her face. "You'll do well to continue the Malfoy name, I know it."

Narcissa was proud of herself too. That she had done it so soon after their wedding. That she had made Lilith proud. That she would finally have a child, someone she could call her own.

She had been in Diagon Alley, it was the beginning of spring and after a cool winter the sun felt exceptionally warm on her skin. She was walking with Reagan. She had just gotten married and was filling her friend in on all the details of her honeymoon when Narcissa had felt it. An uncomfortable twinge in her abdomen. It caused her to pause momentarily and Reagan stopped her story to look at her.

"Cissa?" she asked.

"Nothing." she mumbled, rubbing her stomach gently.

"Are you alright?" she continued.

"Perfectly." she assured her and the two continued walking through the streets.

But by the time she got home, the pain had escalated. Her heart was in her throat and when she pulled off her dress to look at the blood-soaked stockings beneath Narcissa knew that she was no longer with child.

She wanted to cry, or scream. She wanted to beat the walls but she couldn't. She just sat on the bathroom tiles numb with her stockings on her hands.

"Shame." Lilith had said, an air of disappointment in her tone. "Hopefully this is the only mishap we have, hm? Don't you agree?"

Narcissa had been beside herself after speaking to Lucius' parents about what had happened. Pacing around their bedroom, pulling at the ends of her hair.

"You should be in bed." he told her.

"I can't just sit there. We could try again." she said desperately

"Not today Cissa." Lucius said gently.

"Please! We have to fix it." she pleaded.

"Narcissa..." he said. "This isn't going to help..."