Clouded thoughts (Shikamaru x reader)

The Library

It was finally the end of the day. I headed to the library and took my phone out. My mom was blowing up my phone with a bunch of text messages and missed calls. I read some of them 

Mom - Where are you?

Mom- Come home right now

Mom- School should've ended an hour ago (Y/N) Wait until I tell your father about this!

Mom- Answer the goddamn phone, I don't have time for this (Y/N) 

I looked at the time. Shit. School really did end an hour ago, I got stuck talking to Lee and Suigetsu for a while. Shikamaru should be here by now I thought. I looked back down at my phone and replied

(Y/N)-I have a project to work on. I'll be home late, Why don't you just ask your boyfriend to help you or something.

Mom- You're lying. I told you I don't have a boyfriend. I love your father.

(Y/N)- I'm not dumb I saw the messages. You don't even know how to lock your phone. Just leave me alone.

My mom than started calling. I ignored her and powered off my phone. I really don't want to go home. Maybe Suigetsu will let me come over or maybe I'll call Hinata later. My mom's been having an affair for a while I told my father but he didn't believe me, I even showed him the messages, whatever, everything ended up turning back on me and they made me look like I was the bad guy. I was so pissed. When my dad went on business trips my mom would come home very late or she wouldn't come home for a few days and when she did, she reeked of alcohol and she'd often reminisce about the past I wish I could go back in time, I didn't know raising kid's were so hard,I wish I got an abortion. 

Phrases of the things she said in the past appeared in my mind and I remembered images of when my mom cracked my phone when I was only 13 after telling my father the truth about her cheating, she held a knife to my neck many times saying " I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it". I was 16 now and my parents were together, why? Are they together for us? I thought about my siblings, tears started glistening in my eyes. I've thought many times of running away even at the age of seven, was that even normal? I began thinking of ending it all at the age of 12 but I always felt ashamed overtime I remember my younger siblings and what they must be going through. At the age of 14, I promised I would never fall in love. After watching my parents, how could I find love? I was a burnt out gifted kid since my parents always decided to travel to foreign lands and we got dragged along I fell behind in my studies. Tears started streaming down my cheek, there were many scars on my arm reminding me of how much I wanted to die but I was to much of a coward. There was no one in the library, I lowered my head and let the tears fall.

  

The door to the library suddenly opened and Shikamaru walked in. "Sorry, I'm late".  I quickly wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. "Oh, that's fine" I tried to say without my voice cracking. My head was still on the desk on the table and my hair fell around my face, I couldn't think of anything to say so I just stared at the floor. Shikamaru walked toward me. What the heck is wrong with me, why am I crying in a library and why did this horny brat have to walk in now? I wasn't one to cry often. I hated being vulnerable . 

Shikamaru snuck up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "So, are we going to fuck" I was so confused and pissed. I ignored him, I didn't have the strength to push him off me or slap him and I didn't need a brat like him pitying me. "C'mon say something" he whispered. When I remained silent, Shikamaru finally stopped he grabbed my shoulder and then tilted my chin so I was facing him. His face was inches away from mine. He looked into my eyes and we held eye contact for a while, his eyes we're a pretty brown and his eyeliner was still smudged. He looked at me with concern as if he really did care for me. I pulled back and avoided eye contact looking at the bookshelves around the library and trying to count how many chairs there were in the library. I had to pull myself back to reality and do anything to get my mind of him. 12... 13... 14. I counted to myself . "Have you been crying?" He asked. Oh shit.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Hey its the author here, this chapter was meh, I know some of you might be itching for some lemon or smut or maybe even fluff, so let me know what you guys think ;) I mentioned cutting and some self harm or trauma in the story I'm super sorry if that triggered you, and if you ever want to talk I'm here for you <3 I appreciate all the support I get! Well I'm currently typing this and I don't have a single read LOL but this story is something I enjoy writing and if you like any of the chapter please vote, thanks luvs ♡