Beyond Denver

Chapter 56

"Is Susan more than a friend?" I feel the heat spreading over my cheekbones when I ask him the question. I'm not good with those things. I feel the jealousy taking over me, an unknown feeling.

"Why Susan?" he asks.

"Just answer my question," I demand. I can't believe I have to remind him this is a game, and there isn't time for excuses.

"Yes, kind of. We had sex once. Susan goes out with other men."

"Are you saying she changes men like she changes clothes?"

"No," he shakes his head. "I wouldn't say that about her. Susan is a free spirit. You actually met her at the frat house last weekend when you're drunk. She was the girl talking to me when you pushed me against the fridge." Denver laughs under his breath.

Now everything made sense. She was totally into him, just like Moema, the girl from the camping. For a moment, I'd almost forgotten about that one—Millie's older sister.

"Now, my turn." He speaks. His eyes stare into mine. "You said, you've lived in a boarding school for girls... so is this mean you're a ..." he swallows.

"Go ahead. Say it," I encourage because I know what he will ask me.

He moves uncomfortably in his seat. "Have you ever, you know... had sex?" he finally asks me the question.

"Yes"

"How was it?"

"It is my turn again," I admit I don't want to talk about my past with Denver. Talking about the past is irrelevant for a beautiful night like today. It just brings unnecessary pain. I glare at him, thinking about my next question. Denver laughs with my answer, "of course. Shoot the next question."

"Tell me about your first love." I'd rather hear about the first love than his first sexual experience.

"I dated this girl for a short period of time. We'd met each other at a party, had crazy sex, and the next thing I knew, we were in a relationship. We liked each other, but we're too different. We're not too crazy about each other."

I wonder if that statement says a lot about him. He gets excited about something and then gets bored and moves on. A lot of guys are like that. How did I find myself here wrapped in his arms?

"My turn again." He smiles, "How was it like living in a boarding school for girls?"

"I didn't want to live there. I didn't come from Seattle. I grew up in a small town in Chelan. I had tons of friends and loved living there. One day, my father decided he wanted to move to a bigger city. It was my mother's idea, but he didn't think twice. We moved to Seattle, and when high school came, my mom said a boarding school would fit me better."

Denver raises his eyebrows. I cut him off short. "My turn." I think for a moment, but I don't have any more ideas for a question. "Tell me the best book you've ever read."

"The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho."

"Why?" I ask.

"It is about a boy who learns a great lesson in life by following his dream. Sometimes the things you want the most are right in front of your eyes, but to accomplish it, you must move mountains, sacrifice your own life, lose people you love so that you can pursue your dream at the end of your journey. I wouldn't be here with you today if I didn't think you weren't important." His words touch deep inside my heart, and I bite my lip.

"My turn." He says. "Do you believe in destiny, Cassidy?"

I stand up to my feet, memories from the past slapping my face hard. Do I believe in destiny? The answer is simple, and it is no. The fresh air coming from the lake touches the side of my cheeks, and I inhaled hard.

"Is everything okay?" Denver asks, watching me.

"I'm fine. Can you walk me home?"

"Sure." He says.

***

Somehow on the way home, I end up at Denver's house first. His house is dark and old, and everyone else appears to be asleep. "You want to come in?"

"Yes, for a bit," My head is still dizzy from the drinks. "I don't want to sleep with you. Not tonight."

"We can cuddle." He smiles, and I sense he wants more than a cuddle.

"I'm not your ex-girlfriend."

"What you mean?"

"I'm not having sex with guys on the first night."

"Huh. In this case, it is not the first night. It is the second time we kiss."

"Smart boy," I play.

The living room is smelling like marijuana, just like the hallway outside my apartment. Denver gives me a glass of water with ice as we tiptoe to his bedroom, so we don't wake up anyone in the house. The old lady sleeps in the room next to his, and everything is dark inside, with no signs of a lamp nor snoring. Besides his bed and TV, Denver has a reclining chair he uses to play video games. The bedroom is messy with some garbage on the floor and empty bottles of beer. He kisses me intensely, and the next thing I know, I'm falling on top of him over his bed. His hands quickly spread underneath my dress, and I feel the heat traveling throughout my body. I groan as I kiss him and move my legs over his hardness. My head spins as he tries to pull my dress off, but I recoil.

Nothing can't happen. Not tonight.

He looks at me. "I want to be with you for as long as you want."

"What do you mean?" my fingers go through his soft dark hair, just like the same color of his eyes.

"I mean everything. If you let me love you, I promise you'll be loved like you never been before."

"What part you can't understand, Denver? I'm incapable of love. I can't love anyone unconditionally, as most people do. I don't know what this word means. It doesn't even exist in my vocabulary. Love is just an illusion." The drinks are still working inside my head, but that changes the way I think.

"What's the point of living an unfilled life if you can't enjoy it the best way possible? Getting old without allowing yourself to feel anything?"

"You don't know anything about what my life was like, Denver! My mother left us when I was younger, and my dad cohabitated with my best friend's mother. After that, my life was never the same. I lost the person I used to be inside of me. Maybe this was better, as a wake-up call for something worse heading in my direction."

"I thought your parents are still together."

"When something bad happened to me, it got better for my father."

I find my way to the door. "Where are you going, Cassie?"

"No one calls me Cassie. No one. "By the way, I'm going home."