Beyond Denver

Chapter 14

Dear Jessa,

It is finally almost the end of summer, with classes starting in about three weeks. Remember we had thought about going to college together? We used to spend hours thinking about what we would pick for a career. Dad always thought Finance and Business were a good match for me. You thought about pursuing psychology, and Jason, of all, wanted to be a travel blogger.

I chose Business over Finance, but what other options did I have, anyway? My father didn't give me much of a choice.

After all, I moved to Madison to go to college for Business Management and see what life could bring me. I haven't met many people here yet, apart from my coworker Meggie, my roommate TJ, and two other boys. Denver and Maroney. I don't know what to say about them yet, except that Maroney is a very nice and polite guy, and Denver a sweetheart with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I don't know so much about Maroney, apart from that he loves fishing and spending time with his family on the weekends. Denver loves parties and having a good time with friends. I think his friends are his only family here.

I'm not sure I made the right decision to come to Wisconsin, though. It is far from Seattle and certainly far from Chelan, but not that it matters because I never returned to Chelan, anyway. Somehow, there is a part of me that still lives and craves to live there because all my memories from childhood are tight to the place I grew up and the people that mattered to me the most.  You and Jason mattered to me the most. So, Jessa, tell me, how can I ever find myself again in a so complicated world? How can I ever go back to be that girl I used to be?

Maybe I don't want to be that girl. Maybe there is no reason to.

Sometimes I dream about Chelan. I'm always with you and Jason, inseparable as we used to be. There, we run down the streets playing pranks in the kids or singing by the fire of grandma's Gigi house. Your cousins come later and so do the Super Brothers. Sometimes I remember the oldest of your cousins, Martin, and how he always looked after us, allowing us to sing our favorite songs until sunrise. Being a child becoming a teen was was the best part because we didn't know too much. And nothing could stop us!

A safe place is always a safe place until it is not.

Sometimes, I feel as If I had been buried and unremembered to the world, just like Jason is now. Life unexpectedly got me, breaking me into little pieces. There was a time you believed I was stronger than most people – the one to never shatter. But it turned out I wasn't. I was the weakest of all. But I guess we never know anything in the world, at least until the worst happens.

That being said, I have to tell you something, Jessa. Until yesterday, I never thought life continued. While bad things happen to people worldwide - no matter what the circumstances are - life goes on for most of them. Life goes on pretty much the same way it does on the planet that never stops circulating the orbit.

Could I have prevented the events from that night from happening?

Would things have been different if the worst had never happened?

With love,

Cassidy Bardot.

***

Placing the letter in an envelope, I call Meggie multiple times, but she never picks up the phone.

I'm just about to watch the new season of Vampire Diaries that came out, but my mind doesn't shut up, and I wonder whether I will focus on the first episode. A part of me can't wait to see what will happen between Damon and Elena. Will she fall in love with him and forget about Stefan?