Beyond Denver

Chapter 33

Dear Jessa,

My head is spinning, and I feel like I have a million thoughts coming to my mind, all at once. Maroney and I hung out yesterday, but it wasn't what I expected because my dress was ruined by an asshole driving a car by the lake. I got changed in his house with his brother's girlfriend's sister's dress, and then he brought me along to his mother's birthday at his parent's house. You heard me well. He introduced me to his perfect nice family.

Not a mess like mine.

Also, Maroney kissed me. It wasn't a long kiss, as we were interrupted by his brother's sister's girlfriend. I'm sure she thinks something is going on with us. But I'm not sure. Maroney wants to take things slow because of a bad breakup he had a year ago.

But I don't want to be hopeful, either. Sometimes when I believe I am about to get something I want, life happens and crushes me into pieces.

And then there is Denver. Sweet Denver, who continues to text me and inviting me over for things I refuse to go with him.

Now comes the saddest part I have to write in this letter. I dreamed about Chelan last night. The town where my heart belongs, and years without even going there for a visit.

In my dream, I arrive home - the same home I grew up and lived in for years. I think it was during the date-time because it was still light out, and the cicadas were singing as loud as they always in the summer. To my surprise, I saw Jason sitting on the porch.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. I was surprised to see him there. The house was empty and locked.

"I came here to see you," he said.

"Well, I am here now. What can I do for you?" I said with a smile.

"I want to watch my favorite game on TV and eat guava cake."

I nodded as we both came inside the house. I turned the TV on, but we couldn't eat guava cake because there weren't any ingredients, including guava fruit. I also don't think I can make a cake like granny Gigi. He came to the kitchen counter where I was, and we both made the cake with our own thoughts. Dreams are funny that way because everything can happen in your dream.

He was so happy about being there with me, happy for being home again, you know? Back to visit me in a home to who knows who it belongs to now. I went back to the kitchen to prepare some juice for him with my thoughts too, but then when I return to the living room, the game was over on TV, and so does Jason is gone.

He was happy for being there, to the house where everything happened. Will he ever forgive me?

Jessa, I know that you are probably thinking by reading this letter that this is just a dream, and I'm making a big deal out of this.

But when you are dragged out of place, you don't want to, and being left to handle your own fears alone, life stops making sense after a while.

Jessa, I think about you, Emily, Dalilah, Martin, and the Super Brothers. I think about Adele and grandma Gigi.

Most of all, I think about Jason.

With love,

Cassidy Bardot.