Here and Lost

Chapter 8

I woke up and got in the shower. By the time I was out Alex was dressed and ready. I continue with my hair and makeup. We eat breakfast and walk out the door. I have to walk my little brother to school which I would rather not considering he asks every question he can think of to Alex.
"Hey! You have those big holes in your ears like my sister. I think they're ugly, why would you want to wear them?" Andrew excitedly asks. Alex finds a way to politely ignore him. I drop my brother off at school and continue to walk with Alex. He grabs my hand and smiles at me. I smile back then look down.
"What's wrong Melody?" Alex asks concerned
"I don't want to go to school, it sucks. I need a break." I say with sadness in my voice. I don't need a break because school is hard for me, I would consider myself pretty good with school. It's the people there that get to me.
"Why don't we just not go today? We would get in trouble and have to serve detention, but thats no big deal." I have tried hard to stay good in school, but one little mess up won't hurt right?
"Okay let's do it. Detentions not that bad, at least we would go together." I don't think my mom will care honestly. She knows what I go through for the most part. So we turn around and head to the mall. I'm 16 now, I've been planing on getting a job so I can finally get a car. I have my license but no car because my mom has limited money. It would be cool to get a job with Alex.
"Alex, I'm thinking of getting a job."
He tilts his head up and laughs.
"Melody I don't mean to bring you down but have you seen the way we look? Who is going to hire the emo girl with blue hair." Alex laughs, obviously finding his joke funny. But it wasn't a joke, it was the truth. Nobody will hire me. But whether it's true or not, what Alex said was cruel.
"Alex that was harsh," I say. I don't want to fight with him, but that's really not okay.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like that. People won't except us for how we look, it's just how everything works out." Alex was right, but it's not going to stop me. Even if the only place that will except me is Hot Topic.
We walk into the mall and this is the first time I've been to this mall. I don't have any money but I'm happy to go just to look around. We go into Hot Topic. Yes, it is a typical 'emo' store, but I like their stuff. I decided to pick up an application just in case.
"Alex this mall sucks," I laugh.
"I know, don't talk about it." He laughs along. I come across a frozen yogurt place. It seems like a nice place to work, so I quickly grabbed an application before we left.
"I like this town. It's small and you can walk everywhere. And it's so pretty," I say. The town was beautiful. It was lined by bluffs and it wasn't a busy town, everyone seemed happy and content, unlike where I usually live.
"Yeah it's known for that. Personally, I think it's the only good place in Wisconsin," He says.
We walk back to my house. When we walk in the door it's a relief to sit down after all the walking. We sit on the couch and I turn the t.v. on. He leans in and begins kissing me. It was different this time, more intense. I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable when he moved from kissing my mouth, to my neck. This was not normal for me, he leans away from me and just looks down my body. He runs his fingers from my shoulder to my hip. He looks at me and smiles. That smile can make me do anything. He takes my shirt off and just stared and my body for a long time. He starts kissing me again and moves his hand over my bra. I jump because of my inexperience. He begins to move his hand down and unbuttons my jeans. Before I know it I'm only in my underwear. He whispers in my ear,
"Are you okay, I mean is this okay?" I don't answer at first. I'm not exactly sure on what he's planning to do but I suppose I would do anything for him. So I nod and he continues. He slowly rubs and asks if I feel anything. I shake my head, because It doesn't. It doesn't stop him though. Not long after he finally stops. It's not something I exactly wanted to do, but I don't care, it's for him not me. We sit there silently for awhile, until he breaks the silence. "So what now?" He asks. Way to make it more awkward.  I make him lunch, frozen pizza. Pizza is the only thing I can cook without messing up so that is what we will eat.
"I wonder what my dad is thinking," he says.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I've been gone all this time, has he noticed? If he has, does he care. That was a stupid thing to say, of course he doesn't care," he says. It breaks my heart from the life he has lived. I feel bad for myself, but he's had a much worse life than me and it's selfish of me to complain the way I do.
"I know he may not seem like it, but Alex, he has to care for you. Your his son," I say.
" I remember when he actually did, before my mom died. I was the happiest kid, they did everything they could to make me happy. When she died my dad got into drinking, it helped him. It changed him, people say it can't change you but that's not true. Melody, if you saw him before, you would have known," he says and I see wetness gather in the corners of his eyes. I pull him close to hug him with one hand on his back and the other on the back of his head.
"But, it gets better. Our lives suck, we know this. It's going to get better Alex you know why? We have each other. I'm not planning on letting you go, ever," he says and I continue hugging him but I can't stop the smile on my face. We stay like that and fall asleep. Just like that, him in my arms. If he ever leaves, I don't know if I could survive.