Here and Lost

Chapter 15

I wake up in the same place I fell asleep. Spencer is still asleep and I remove his arms from my waist. I stand up and realize I'm in nothing but a bra and underwear, and suddenly last night comes back to me in pieces. Why did I do that? I don't know him and Alex is the only person I thought I wanted. I lost my virginity to Spencer, and not the person I truly love. I'm so mad at myself for letting this happen. I look over at him, he is so adorable, but I can't do it to Alex. I there's no way I would like Spencer that way even though he is attractive, and nice, and respectful. A lot from last night is a blur but I remember this very clearly. "I love you Melody," it replays in my head. How does he love me. He's clueless. I look at my phone and it's 12:00. I need to get going.
I shake Spencer to wake him up. He opens his eyes and smiles, I look away and start looking for my dress "could you take me home?" I look in the bathroom to find some girl passed out in it, so I left it. "Here use my sweatshirt and my boxers from last night," he says.
"Ugh.. Okay I guess." I think it's pretty gross but I need something. I throw it on and he stands up to leave. He's shirtless and looks so hot, I love his red hair too. But I need to stop this. I shouldn't talk to him anymore.
We get in the car and ride in silence. The 5 minute ride seemed like hours. When we finally get to my house he puts his hand on my leg. He stares into my eyes and I give him a strange look back.
"Are you okay with last night, did I push it? You seem so quiet," he says looking down.
"No, no it's fine. I'm happy it got to be you," I say smiling. Why am I saying this? I'm just lying to him.
"Good, I'm happy too. I didn't mean any disrespect you know."
I nod and reach for the door handle, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me in to kiss him.
Then he says "I love you so fucking much," and he hugs me tight.
"Love you too," I say walking out.
I don't know why I said it, I defiantly don't love him. But maybe I should play it. Probably shouldn't but I don't know what else to do.
I walk in the door and go straight to my room. I lay on my bed and check my phone. 3 missed calls from savanna. I call her back right away.
"Hey! So.. How was it?" She asks way to excitedly
"Yeah.. It was good. Hey do you know who Spencer is by chance?" I couldn't help but ask, since I basically lost my virginity to a complete stranger.
"Red hair? Hot as fuck?"
"Yep that's him"
"Haha everyone know that douche, and has slept with him. Why did you ask?"
"Oh nothing I just was wondering, hey I gotta go I'll talk to you later"
If what Savanna says is true about Spencer I have to call quits. I don't care how amazing he sounds, he clearly isn't. I pull my phone out and I'm telling him to stop with the show because I know what's up, he's trying to use me but it won't happen.
Me: don't talk to me anymore
Spencer: what happened.
That message clearly shows how much he cares, I'm done. I get out my laptop to watch some Netflix. About 15 minutes later I hear my brother yell "Hey Melody, some weird guys here for you. I'm gonna send him up."
Great. That "weird guy" was Spencer. He knocks at my doors
"Come in I guess"
"What's your problem? You seemed completely fine I thought you were fine with-"
"That's not it Spencer, you aren't who I thought you were, that's all."
"Well who did you think I was then? Because I've been pretty real with you."
" I'm sure you have. Because according to Savanna all you are is a man whore thirsty for whoever you can get, so you put on a show. And you acted like you cared about me so you could get what you wanted." I'm at the verge of tears, I'm too sensitive right now.
"Your gonna listen to her about whose being a whore? She's the one who's knocked up at 16. If I was using you for sex I would have told you before, but I didn't have to. And I do care about you... A lot. I love-"
"No, stop. You don't understand what love is, and you won't for awhile."
He walks over to my bed and puts his hand on my cheek.
"The only reason Savanna said that stuff about me is because I did it to her. Yes, I completely acted as if I actually cared whatever happened to her. But, you are so different. I never thought love existed. I thought girls were all for sex and nothing else, Melody you changed my whole perspective on love." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "And that is never going to change. He pushes his head into my neck and I just sit there uncomfortable for about 15 minutes until I fall asleep.