Here and Lost

Chapter 17

It's around 6 and Spencer's been here the whole day. I'm starting to enjoy his company. We lay there and we laugh and listen to music and I don't feel lonely anymore. It's almost like the void Alex left in me has been temporarily filled. I say temporarily because I know this feeling won't last. Right now my heart is trying to make space for someone else but Alex is the only one that fits because he belongs there, and it's his home. You can't make room for something that won't fit, it's only made to fit one person. But I want to enjoy this while I can and get every chance I can to feel an ounce of happiness.
"How do you feel?" Spencer asks concerned.
"Fine?" I question.
"You wanna go somewhere?" He asks. I say yes because its fun to sit and talk but I want to go for a ride after being trapped here a few days.
We end up driving for awhile and I see places I haven't seen before. I don't know much about this area because I've been trapped in one place. He lights a cigarette and hands one to me. I decide to try it because I'm having fun and I don't want to ruin it. He turns up the radio and 'stolen dance' by milky chance comes on and it has the perfect vibe for right now. It's blaring as we laugh and sing along.
He pulls into this strip mall and I look around.
"The pet store! Let's go!" A laugh and he nods and we run inside. For it being 7:30 at night on a Wednesday it's pretty busy. There are children holding puppy's and all kinds of animals. We walk around and the enclosures are different from where I've been. There are open glass pens where you can reach inside to pet the animals. We walk past the Guinea pigs and ferrets to the hamsters. We're watching one in particular and laughing. It's pacing back and forth by us instead of hiding like the rest.
"I want that one" I say and without even thinking I reach in and put the hamster in my backpack. Spencer is just laughing at how stupid I am. We walk out of the store and into his car. I look down at her.
"I can't believe we just stole the cheapest thing in the entire store" I laugh.
"Nothing surprises me with you"
I seem so much happier with Spencer, he's happy. Not depressing or sad like Alex, I need someone like Spencer. But now I have to figure out what to do with this hamster. We stop at a pizza place along the strip mall and walk inside. I hide the hamster in my sweatshirt pocket. We order and I take her out, I hold her up and look at her.
"Melody this forever will be our child, I want to name her Yume" he insists "it's Japanese for 'dream' and I just love the way it sounds."
"You don't need to commit so hard" I giggle. Our food gets here and I'm so hungry seeing I haven't ate today. I shove my face in and Spencer laughs, I feel completely myself with him.
I ask to stop by Sally's beauty because I decided to change my hair. It's been blue for so long to match my mood. We walk in and I decide on doing it pastel pink because of how happy I am, I like to match my hair with my mood.
In the car we ride hours more before heading back to my house.
*****
I wake up the morning feeling so much better than I have lately. I look over and see Spencer is gone. At my night stand and see a note, it says 'Goodmorning darling :) I hope you slept well because I did. I had to go to work early and I didn't want to wake you up. I promise you I will be there after school to pick you and your brother up. Have a great day, love ya.' I can't stop myself from smiling. This will make my day so much better. I get in the shower, put on my cloths, put my makeup on and head out the door with my brother.
"So your actually going to school" Andrew blurts. I nod and notice how surprised he looks that I'm happy. I drop him off and head to the high school. I swing by the office to check in and tell them why I've been gone for weeks. As I walk in I notice several dirty looks.
"Sorry I've been gone so long. I sort of had a mental breakdown but I'm better I promise" I insure with a smile.
"If you keep this up you're going to be truant, not a good way to start out the year" she adds. I should of known the school wouldn't take mental health into consideration. I make sure to get to all my classes and get all the work I've missed. Tonight will be a long night of work.

Finally school ends and as he promised Spencer is standing outside of his car. I run up to him and hug him tightly, we get in to pick my brother up. When we get home I deside to dye my hair first then do my work while it's in my hair. We step in my room and I decide to feed Yume some berries. I reach into the temporary box and hand her to Spencer to hold. I sit down by the mirror and start to apply the bleach to my hair to strip all the blue. From the corner of my eye I see Spencer looking at all the letters Alex has given to me when he was still around. I let him look.
"So.. Uhh Melody, who are these letters from?" Spencer asks concerned.
"My ex boyfriend. He had to leave about a month ago" I clarified.
"Did you love him?" He asks.
"I still do" I choke. I see Spencer look up, his face turns pasty white.
"Why wouldn't you say something! I've never heard of this kid who the fuck is he. I love you, and I thought you loved me. But whatever. I'm leaving" Spencer yelled as he stormed out. I just look down. I walk over and hold Yume, now I've lost everyone, who do I go to.