Shut up and Listen

This Feeling.

Looking at a dark wall,
I watch my entire mind's thoughts.
I feel like what I want to happen
Is so far away from me
That I can't grasp.

So I sit here and imagine your skin
On mine.
I imagine your voice soothing me
And your lips touching mine.
I imagine hugging you close
To my body like a teddy bear.
But as I stretch farther into
my dream land, I notice that
I am so far gone right now.
Reality seems so dull.
I read this book and I feel
An envious wave splash into me,
Suffocating every ounce if air
I need to speak to you.

I come out of my imagination
And I realize how lonely I feel.
Family, friends, they are always here with me- always :)
But the feeling I get when I
Talk to you and see you and
Hear your voice?
Nothing compares to that.

It's as if I live this fantasy
And plan it out more than I do
With reality.
I am slapped in the face with
A sense of rejection knowing that
I am a minor part in the otherwise
Busy life of yours.
Oh the struggle and emptiness
I face. Break me from my habits
Of thinking of you all the
Damn time. Even in my dreams, you're always there but when I wake up, my bed is empty.

I don't know how to feel.
I'm just a big ball of emotions
That you don't need...
Maybe I can sulk in this darkness and shed some tears about
How I'm filled with loneliness
And try to make sense of
Myself.