𝐋𝗼𝐯𝐞 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐬

F O U R

A/N- I suggest listening to the song above bc it fits the chapter to a tea. Also Amara and Raven's outfits, some baddies I wrote😆

Feeling Numb

"my depression wants me to die but my anxiety is afraid to go"

~

"Can I borrow your red lipstick?" Raven asks me from the bathroom where she's curling her pre straighten locks of black hair. Her curly hair is already pretty enough but she disagrees.

"Only if I can wear your black rose crop top," I muttered back at her while sitting at my makeshift vanity at my desk doing my makeup. By makeup, I mean only mascara, eyeshadow, eyeliner, and a bit of concealer. There's no point in going all out on my makeup if by the end of the night I'm a drunk sweaty mess.

"deal," she muttered.

__

Another thirty minutes go by and I finished up my makeup and I curled my hair. I always hated my straight chocolate brown hair, but everyone says it my best feature, hence why I haven't cut it in years. If it were for me I would have cut my hair to shoulder length a long time ago, but Raven stopped me right before I held the scissors up to my hair.

We both took a couple of shots of tequila while we were getting ready to be a bit tipsy before leaving. By the time we left the tequila started to kick in. Thank god I don't know what I'd do without it.

I take a look at the full-length mirror that hangs behind the door trying to make sure I looked good and of course I did.

I ended up wearing Raven's black rose crop top with a pair of red sparkly trousers of my own and I paired them with my very loved black Doc Martens. I'm not gonna say that I look like a bad bitch.... but I look a bad bitch. What can I say, it's what I'm best at.

Raven went with a glitter bonded crop top with black fou leather trousers, paired with one of her many pairs of Lou Boutin's. That lucky bitch.

Neither of us brought our phones because they either get lost or smashed into pieces.

Trust me, I've learned that the hard way.

All we brought was our keys and Juuls. I can't go anywhere without it, it's become an issue. I stopped caring, it's not like my lives going anywhere.

I close the door to our dorm and make sure to lock the door. Raven and I start walking to the stairs. The elevator shuts down at 10 for some stupid reason. It hasn't stopped anyone before.

After walking down four flights of stairs we find ourselves in front of the door to enter the basement. You can already hear the music being blasted from the other side of the door.

I go in front of Raven and extend my arm to open the door.

The smell of weed and horny teenagers hit my nostrils.

I've used drugs and alcohol to try and feel numb. Ever since trying to kill myself, all I can feel is this feeling of melancholy that doesn't go away. No matter how happy I was in the moment the feeling of sorrow and sadness never left my body. The only way to feel numb from those emotions was with partying and drugs.

It didn't help that my crazy roommate was the expert at just that. Before I tagged along she was known to get blackout drunk and always end up in someones else's dorm.

Now it was my turn to get the spotlight.

A few faces turn around to look who walked in and others didn't even bother looking up from whatever they were doing.